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Sunday, November 11, 2018

Shine Bright: Behind the Song

I don't typically write music, but sometimes a story, or an observation, can be best described in a way that is more moving than words by themselves. 2018 has been a particularly difficult year, and the troubles began pretty early on.

April 6, 2018 is a day that is committed to memory because there were several things that happened that day. I was faced with a unique challenge, that was only unique because of my condition. After the events transpired I spoke with a friend by the name of Joseph Masi. He was in my section, and was also one of my best friends. I told him about the events that had transpired, and he brought up the idea of writing a song to express it. When he first said that, I laughed it off but a few days later, the beginning of the song came to me.

The spring semester of 2018 was not just a difficult time for myself, but for a number of other people as well. It seemed as though my entire friend group was going through something. There were battles being fought left and right. My own battle at the time was anxiety. But I also noticed that I was not the only one battling anxiety. I am a very empathetic person, which means that ones mood can easily influence my own mood. Because we are each created in the image of God, each and every one of us is indeed beautiful. But as the first verse is written, it is very hard to see someone that I care about facing any type of battle.

Depression is a very common battle, as is addiction, upon many other things. However, not only do we have this pressure to keep this to ourselves, it often seems as though those around us expect us to just shove our difficulties aside and keep going as if nothing was wrong. As Christians we are not exempt from this pressure. In fact, the enemy will often deceive us to believe that this is something that we must keep to ourselves. The church also isn't always the greatest at coming alongside those who are facing battles of really any type.

The pre-chorus falls in line with the 'look up child' mentality. This isn't to say that feelings of depression are invalid but as soon as you find strength to look up, everything can change in an instant. We are given this light from God. This light that comes from the gospel (or 'good news'). This doesn't just mean that we shine our light, but our battle can also become a light when we overcome it. When we fight a battle or we struggle with something, it becomes almost impossible to realize that we aren't the only one facing that battle. A testimony is one of the most powerful tools available to one in ministry. Your battle, and your testimony can be the thing that changes everything in the life of one who might be facing the same struggle.

The song also talks about how we keep ourselves hidden away because we are unsure of what to do. In my own experience, I have found I become afraid to be around other people, because I don't have the ability to put a mask on. And sometimes we honestly just need some time alone. However sometimes we may feel forced to keep ourselves hidden away, because maybe we feel ashamed to be fighting a battle. Maybe we are afraid of what other people might think.

I became stuck for a little bit because the song didn't feel complete but I didn't have anything else to add. That is until a very close friend of mine shared some unfortunate news with me. When one who you are close to becomes ill, not just sick, but to the point where death is a near possibility, this becomes a new battle. It becomes not just a physical battle for the person dealing with it, but an emotional battle to those who are close to that person. In my case I was devastated because while I don't know the person who is dealing with this huge battle, I was watching one of my best friends face a challenging emotional battle, and I just put pen to paper.

This song is a very broad song but it speaks into everything that I witnessed and experienced for myself last semester. I haven't shared this song or even spoken of it for a long time because there was backlash to it. Backlash that I had written about. Backlash that had result in a lot of hurt, self doubt, and doubt in God's purpose for me. And yet even the song that caused the backlash speaks into that. For your listening, the song is included. The lyrics are below the video.


Lyrics
You walk through life 
with a frown on that beautiful face
you know it kills me inside 
just to see you this way

They tell you just to
suck it up when life gets rough
and now you're feeling knocked down. 

You might be overwhelmed
you might be getting down
you might be getting ready to shout

But don't forget he gives you love
He gave you his life and he gives you the light
So won't you shine, brighter than ever
So all may see, your light. 
shine bright. 

Now it's getting heavy
you're not sure what to do 
so you keep yourself hidden away

Your head is burrowed deep
deep with in your arms and 
the tears are running down your face

You might be overwhelmed
You might be getting down 
You might be getting ready to shout

But don't forget he gives you love
He gave you his life and he gives you the light
So won't you shine, brighter than ever
So all may see, your light

So won't you shine
Brighter than ever
Light up the darkness
Light up this world

So won't you shine
Brighter than ever 
So all may see... your light
Shine bright. 

Tuesday, October 16, 2018

Chains

At church we often hear about chains. Chains that bind us, chains that break when we come to know Jesus. It is not something that we like to think about, and its important to note that even as Christians, we can still be bound by chains. 

Chains come in a variety of forms. In my own case, its forgiveness. I struggle greatly to forgive those who have hurt me. Maybe your chains come from your past. Maybe you have been broken in ways you could have never imagined. 

One chain that we never talk about is addiction. This is one that is personal to me. We don't often think of addiction as something that can turn deadly, but the unfortunate truth is that I lost one of my best friends to addiction this past summer. 

Maybe your chain comes from your fear of how others see you. Maybe you are so afraid of what people might think about something you are doing that you are willing to stab other people in the back. 

Maybe your chain comes from anxiety. It is so easy for someone who doesn't struggle with it to say something along the lines of "Cast your anxieties upon him". This is indeed a biblical statement, but it goes deeper than that. It's almost like people who say that have this expectation that one who faces anxiety will all of a sudden be completely rid of it. 

I have known a number of people who faced sexual abuse in their past. The trauma of this can create chains within itself. It can create feelings of brokenness. Feelings of worthlessness. Feelings of self loathing. 

Even as Christians, we aren't automatically free from chains. True, death has no claim over us, but even as Christians we have battles that we fight on a daily basis. Sometimes we feel like we are losing control. Sometimes we feel like we have to have control. 

Over the summer after camp ended I began attending the young adult ministry at my church called TheLivingRoom. Having the opportunity to do so has been a blessing. It is a time of community. A time of gathering. A time of support. 

A common theme we have been talking about is being in community with one another. You cannot break chains like addiction, lack of forgiveness, anxiety and others by yourself. You can't do it without Jesus, but you are going to find it very difficult to break chains without a community supporting you. 

Maybe your chain is depression. This is a controversial topic in the christian community as there are some who believe that one who battles depression is doing something wrong. The truth is, that isn't true at all. Pastors, worship leaders, youth leaders all around the globe have battled with this. 

Maybe your chain is something that you feel like you have to hide from everyone. That belief comes from the enemy. No matter what your chain is. Do not try to face it and break it alone. THERE IS POWER IN THE NAME OF JESUS TO BREAK EVERY CHAIN

If you know that you are bound by chains, talk to a friend. Talk to a counselor. Talk to somebody. Spend time in prayer. Spend time in the word. Enter into accountability relationships. Go through therapy if you must. 

I'm going to finish this post by sharing a song that has been sung every week since the beginning of September over at the Worship Center. There is so much truth to it. 


Friday, August 17, 2018

Steel Vengeance: A Review

Cedar Point is a large amusement park located on a peninsula that juts out into Lake Erie. As a result, the park is completely surrounded by water, resulting in picturesque views. But Cedar Point isn't just known for views. Cedar Point is also known for pushing roller coaster technologies to their limits, breaking records. Since the 1970s, almost every roller coaster that opened at Cedar Point broke world records for speed and height.

In 1990 Cedar Point announced that they would be opening a record breaking wooden roller coaster. Mean Streak would open the following year as the tallest and fastest wooden roller coaster in the world. This ride was also one of the longest when it opened. Over the years though many people complained about its roughness and in 2016, it was announced that the ride would be closing permanently. Almost immediately work began on removing the track to the ride, but not the support structure. 

In 2017, Cedar Point announced that Mean Streak was being converted into a hybrid roller coaster (That is a wooden support structure with a steel track). The ride would be converted by Rocky Mountain Construction and would be called Steel Vengeance. The ride would be the first hybrid roller coaster to top 200 feet and would become the tallest, and fastest hybrid roller coaster in the world. This roller coaster also features more air time than any other roller coaster (of any type) in the world. The ride opened this summer. 

I had the pleasure of riding this both as Mean Streak and as Steel Vengeance. While it was rough as a wooden coaster I enjoyed it, but Steel Vengeance is insane. I loved every minute of it. The ride is incredibly intense, and throws you into each element. You spend more time out of your seat than in it. You find yourself upside down 4 times. This ride is so insane it doesn't feel tamer after riding it a second or third time, and the adrenaline rush is like no other. 

For those of you who are familiar with Hersheypark and have not gotten to visit Cedar Point before, I can describe Steel Vengeance this way. Think of Skyrush, but longer, even more intense, more exhilarating and more airtime, and thighs that aren't crushed. Even though Cedar Point has a roller coaster that is literally 2x taller than Skyrush, Steel Vengeance would be Cedar Point's response to Skyrush. It might not be the biggest roller coaster in the world, but it sure is the baddest. It is absolutely a MUST RIDE, and is now my favorite roller coaster of them all. Just in case you were curious here are my personal rankings. 

Overall
1) Steel Vengeance- Cedar Point
2) Millennium Force- Cedar Point
3) Phantom's Revenge- Kennywood
4) Skyrush- Hersheypark
5) Maverick- Cedar Point

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

Autism: Why me?

Preface: This article is based on what I have found in the bible that answers a lot of personal questions. This article is more universal than my last ones, and isn't specific to the autism spectrum, but can also include any other type of disability or disease, even cancer. The question that often gets asked is why does this person go through this? Does God even care?

As I have said before, I am a counselor at the Woodcrest Retreat in Ephrata. Each week, we as counselors lead bible time with our campers, and day 1 is always regarding Psalms 139 and what it means to be fearfully and wonderfully made. Each week I share with my campers that I am autistic. Last week however, a camper asked me a really good question. "What does the bible say about autism?" While the bible does not mention autism by name, there are some universal lessons to be learned.

Lets start with John 9:1-3. Sometimes it might seem like God is punishing you because you have a disability, but as we see in John 9, this is actually far from the truth. This passage speaks of a blind man who has been blind since birth. This is what is written. "As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth, and his disciples asked him, Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" Jesus answered, it was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him" (ESV). When I first came across this passage, I was blown away. First of all, this serves as a reminder, that someone who suffers from anything since birth isn't cursed. In fact, there is a purpose.

Even today, we can see God using people with disabilities to impact others. Even as someone with a disability I can see God using OTHER people with disabilities to impact ME. Now, one thing that frustrates me is a common theme. People who have dealt with individuals on the spectrum might say that they learned to be more patient, or they learned to be more understanding. These are broad lessons, but each individual has something more to offer. I decided to ask one of my closest friends what they have learned from me, and this is what she had to say. "Your determination to not let what you have you saw as a negative thing in you to tear you down has encouraged me to think more positively". 

Since dealing with some very difficult events, I have really struggled with my identity and who I am. I began to let my identity come from my disability, and yet, according to 2 Corinthians 5:17, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away, behold, the new has come" (ESV). What this means is that when we accept Christ, and that he died for us to bear the weight of our sins, our identity comes from HIM. I am the biggest hypocrite in the world when I say that. I say it almost every day, even though I struggle with it myself.

Something else that struck me though in my search to what the bible said about autism or other disabilities is the story of Moses. I came to discover in Exodus 4:10 that Moses wasn't exactly gifted with communication skills. This is something that many people on the autism spectrum struggle with. What God said to Moses however is something we need to take to heart. Exodus 4:10-12 says "But Moses said to the LORD, Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue. Then the LORD said to him, Who has made man's mouth? Who made him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the LORD?" (ESV). Here, we see God literally reminding Moses that he was made in HIS image. Not man's image.

What does all of this mean? First and foremost, everyone serves a purpose in the Kingdom of God. A question that people often ask, is does God even care for the disabled? The answer? This shouldn't even be a question. Because God created us in His image, he loves each and every one of us, and he actually has a purpose for those differences. As David says in Psalm 139:14a "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made" (ESV). With people who walk through life with these struggles, come testimonies that change lives. But even more so, those with disabilities, are walking testimonies. 

I have a friend who works at a camp upstate, that is designed for people with severe developmental disabilities. I ask her regularly how things are going, and her response is always the same. In her words, "God has just been teaching me so much about His love that never fails. His love is so evident here, I'm so overwhelmed by it". Why does God give some people disabilities? Again, as John 9:3 states, so that the works of God might be displayed in those people.

Need more reasons why? Sometimes coming across an individual with a disability will completely change your life. It is our story for his glory. It isn't just the individual with the disability who is impacted, but it is also everyone who comes across that person. Sometimes we just need to be reminded about how much God loves us. Sometimes we just need to be reminded that our identity comes from Christ, not our disabilities.

Here is another thing to think about, and this is more geared toward watching people suffer. I have heard plenty of testimonies regarding cancer. Stories of those who beat it, and stories of those who lost their battles. No matter how that battle is going, it serves as a reminder, that GOD IS ALWAYS IN CONTROL. No matter what the illness may be, it serves as that reminder. Even if a battle is lost, that individual still serves their purpose in the Kingdom of God. Loss might be a painful thing, but it is a reminder, that our time here on Earth is short, but it is the decisions that we make that determine how we spend eternity.

One last thing. No matter what you are faced with, Faith, is the most powerful thing in the world. It says so in the bible. Matthew 17:20 says, and this is Jesus speaking "For truly I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, Move from here to there, and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you" (ESV). With faith, even just the size of a mustard seed, there is no challenge that cannot be overcome. That being said, we also must realize, that sometimes God will decide to move us instead of the mountain in front of us. In my case, the mountain is my autism. But God decided to move me instead. He gave me a new perspective that came with purpose.

God did not make any mistakes when he created anyone. God created each of us on purpose. And just like everyone else, we have a purpose to serve in the Kingdom of God. Because no matter what our disability is, God still gifts us talents.

Sunday, July 8, 2018

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made: A look at Psalm 139

This summer I stepped outside of my comfort zone and entered into camp ministry. This summer I am serving as an overnight counselor at the Woodcrest Retreat in Ephrata. One of my responsibilities is to lead a bible lesson with my campers each day. While the lessons are given to us, they are flexible and we have the ability to work them in a way that allows us to build meaningful connections.

One of these lessons is based on Psalm 139, which is written by David. The main idea of this lesson comes from the first half of verses 14 which says "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made". I have gotten the chance to really get my hands dirty with this concept, and it plays a major role in my testimony over the last few months.

The first thing we should look at is what is going on here in Psalm 139. David has an intimate relationship with God. It is on display here. The God who has created him. We also see how much God loves us and cares about us in this passage.

Let's break this down a little bit though. What does David mean when he says that he is Fearfully and wonderfully made? To get a better idea of what he is talking about, we need to discuss what we mean when we say that we fear God. To say that we fear God is not to say that we are afraid of Him, but rather, we look on in awe, with great respect.

What does all mean to us? The beginning of the christian narrative is creation. The bible begins with "In the beginning GOD created the heavens and the Earth". Everything that he created was how HE wanted it. In this Psalm, we see that we are Fearfully and Wonderfully Made in the image of GOD. 

Many of us have things that we do not like about ourselves, things that are beyond our control. A couple of months ago I shared my story about growing up with autism. At the end of the last semester I dealt with significant events that lead to me believing a lot of lies about myself. However, God has a plan for each component of us. In March I went on a missions trip with about 20 other people from LBC, to Houston. There I met someone who I have since grown very close to. During this week however I was under the impression that she strongly disliked me and thought I was annoying. However, on the plane ride home she passed me a note. I had gotten the opportunity to talk to her on this trip, and I had impacted her. The moral of this story is What you see as a weakness or an unpleasant attribute could change someone else's life. 

We might often be told by other people that we aren't good enough, or that we are weird. Growing up I was constantly being bullied. A friend of mine went through a similar struggle. The problem is that growing up, it is easy to start to believe what others are telling us. Even as adults, people might tell us things like we just aren't good enough or we should be different than who we are. The truth is though, that We are created in GOD'S image... not MAN'S. 

So we talked about the fact that God created us, but what about the why? Why did God create us? To first get an understanding of this, it might be worth while to look at Luke 15, where Jesus shares the parable of the lost sheep. We often hear about how He leaves the ninety-nine for us. In other words, he pursues us. Why does he pursue us? Because he loves us. Just how much does God love us? According to John 3:16, God so loved the world that he sent his one and only son, so that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. God loves us so much that he sent his son, to die for the sin of man, so that man may have salvation.

God created us so that he can have relationship with us. We know this because he didn't want Heaven without us. He sent his son to die for us, to carry the wrath that we so much deserve. As such, our identity doesn't come from anything that is worldly. Our identity comes from Him. 

The three main takeaways from all of this is

  1. God created you in HIS image. 
  2. God created you to have a relationship with you. 
  3. Our identity comes from HIM. Not anything on Earth. 
For those of you who might be struggling with your identity, I hope this provided some encouragement for you. Remember, because of all of this, Each and every one of us has a place in the Kingdom of God.


Note: All references to scripture come from the English Standard Version (ESV) translation



Saturday, June 23, 2018

Past Disappointments and the impact on relationships

"HAVING COURAGEOUS FAITH GIVES US HOPE TO SEE BEYOND PAST DISAPPOINTMENTS" -MATT MYLIN, 2018

You may recall seeing that the end of the last semester at LBC was particularly rough on me. I had a friend that stabbed me in the back in one of the worst possible ways. What I haven't really talked about however was the lasting impact that it left. It has impacted me in a number of ways.

I have a very tight group of friends, each of which I love very much. However, over the last several months, I have been fearful of them. They hadn't done anything to me. They were and are real friends. I'll take that a step further. Words do not even begin to describe how much they mean to me. But because of what happened with someone else, I have had this anxiety that they would do the same.

There are several reasons for this. First of all, because of what was said about me, I had this feeling that I was nothing but a burden to them. Like I said in a previous post, I have had feelings of shame, feelings of inadequacy, feelings of just not being good enough for anyone. This week at camp while teaching a bible lesson to my campers, I came across a significant re-revelation. The truth is found in Psalm 139:14a which states "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made" (ESV). We are made in the image of God. He has a plan to use our lives. We are created to have intimacy with Him.

I had a very meaningful conversation today with one of my co-workers about what I have been dealing with over the last couple of months. First of all, the fear of some of the people that I love that they would hurt me just like the last person did. That they wouldn't be there when I needed them most. But he brought up the point that they were there for me when I was dealing with what I was dealing with over the last couple of months.

I was convicted. I was looking for a sign that they would be there for me no matter what. So much so that I missed it. They were. They are. They will be. Even further, I am not a burden to them. Granted, they have said that more than once, but the enemy is strong and puts lies into your head. But upon sharing some of the interactions that I have had some of these people, it was obvious to my coworker that my friends don't see me as a burden at all. In fact, quite the opposite. There is a takeaway from a sermon given by Matt Mylin at Worship Center that was very convicting. "Having Courageous faith gives us hope to see beyond previous disappointments"  

So why does it matter that we are fearfully and wonderfully made? God created us in HIS image. He has a reason for every part of us. I discovered that this week at camp. Being autistic allows me to understand other people with special needs on a different level than someone who doesn't have special needs. Its so easy to look at what we see as disadvantages as exactly those, but we fail to recognize the advantages.

I have talked about the ability to create and maintain meaningful relationships, perhaps more so than a "normal" person. I have also talked about the ability to be productive, which I have seen in previous jobs. But in the end, it doesn't matter what happens around me, because God's plans are bigger than mine. There is a song that comes to mind when I write that, by the name of Wide Open, by Austin French. The first verse is "Plans, I'd been the fool, thought my plans was so much bigger, so much better than Yours". That verse right there is very convicting. Everything that happens in our lives happens for a reason, and we often get so caught up in our own plans that we blow off the fact that our plans mean nothing.

I would like to take this opportunity to once again thank my friends for being who they are and for being there to me. There aren't words that describe how much they mean to me and how thankful I am to have them.


Saturday, June 16, 2018

Finally accepting myself as someone with autism

Preface: This article is about how being diagnosed with a disorder as significant as autism really rocks your world, as well as your family's world. The only people who truly know what its like are those who see the world through the eyes of someone with autism. And I have tried so hard to see the world through the eyes of a neurotypical person to no avail. 

Over the last 2 months, I have shared several articles. The first was my story about my own life with autism. The second was how you can care for your friend who has autism, regardless of where they are on the spectrum. Lastly, I shared about my experience with friendships. All of these took a lot of thought. I am 20 years old, and didn't open up about my autism until about 2 months ago.

You could compare the emotions of being diagnosed with autism to being diagnosed with cancer. Unbelief, uncertainty, despair, general other negative feelings. Don't get me wrong. Cancer and autism are two very different things. Autism is a developmental disability, and cancer is a physical ailment. I was officially diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome in 2006, around the age of 7. My understanding of what autism was at the time, and even for most of my own life was that it was this serious mental handicap. People with autism need professional help to live life. That was my understanding. I refused to accept my diagnosis for many years after. Trying to be normal, trying to fit in.

None of this however was truly effective. It's like trying to pretend your leg isn't broken and trying to walk on it. I had some difficulties. I've gone through years of therapy, and have experienced rejection from my peers my entire life, often leaving me very depressed. I had and still have very low self confidence, because it seems that I would always fail, especially when it came to social issues.

One of the challenges that I deal with is in fine motor skills. Its odd, because I began playing musical instruments before I was diagnosed, which require fine motor skills. This didn't stop me from playing cello. In fact, I was part of district orchestras in 6th and 8th grade, but refused to do it in high school. Playing music for 9 straight hours is not productive or healthy. If you are in the same place for that long playing music, you begin to lose your inspiration.

Since finally owning the fact that I am autistic, I have found myself in a lower place than ever before. Granted, there were events that lead to this, but it still was a low place. I saw myself as someone who will never be able to amount to anything. Someone who was a burden to society. Someone who was a burden to his friends. Someone who will never be able to do anything in life that is at all meaningful. The enemy is very powerful. We cannot deny that. Over the last couple of weeks, my church (Worship Center) has been doing a sermon series called Courageous Faith. And out of this series I have several key takeaways.

Having autism means that I have certain needs that a neurotypical person does not need. Some of them that I feel ashamed to need. A normal person will never understand what it feels like to need social coaching at the age of 20. It's humiliating, and if it weren't for the support of my closest friends, it would be even worse. These feelings of humiliation subsided though when Matt Mylin brought up this first takeaway

A need is not a setback. Its's a setup. 

Having this need gives me a significant opportunity to grow as an individual. In fact, I could almost say I am looking forward to going through social coaching now, especially with the people that I have beside me. People who I know will be there every step of the way. As I have previously stated, a neurotypical person learns social skills naturally by observing and interacting with other people. For people with Aspergers, it requires a lot of training, and a LOT of hard work. I gave up at a younger age, and now it's time to start again.

Previous failures make this idea of social interaction more daunting to me. That brings me to another takeaway.

Having courageous faith gives us hope to see beyond past disappointments. 

God has shown me over the last couple of months that there is a reason why I have autism. I became emotional when writing this, but there are people who's lives I have impacted. These people were up front about that. I've heard stories of other people's lives being impacted by people with autism as well. I'm not being punished.

There are lies that keep coming into my head telling me that I will never be able to do anything signficant with my life. Looking back on my accomplishments, I am actually ahead of a lot of my peers. At the age of 18, I found a sustainable career working for an airline, which was actually my dream job as well. I completed my Freshman year of college. I am camp counselor at a camp designed for normal people. I am finally involved in ministry.

Having autism doesn't make me a slow person. Heck, it has so many advantages. Having limited interests means that I can truly maximize my productivity in areas that I am passionate about. I can build real friendships that are build around love, trust, and loyalty. I am actually very strong in the realm of public speaking. I love to write and have been told by many that I am good at it.

On June 16, 2018, I was finally able to not only accept who I am, but say "I am autistic, and I am thankful such a blessing". I am proud to be autistic.  

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

My experience with Asperger's Syndrome and Friendship

Preface: The purpose of this article is quite simple. In my last post, I talked briefly about the misconception that people with Asperger's Syndrome are typically introverted and have no desire whatsoever to interact with people. This is false. In this article I am going to share about the relationships that I have built. 

First of all, let me start by saying the same thing I say every time. Asperger's Syndrome is defined as a developmental disorder related to autism and characterized by higher than average intellectual ability coupled with impaired social skills and restrictive, repetitive patterns of interest and activities. You'll notice that I highlighted impaired social skills. This is because it actually gives me an unexpected advantage with it comes to relationships.

Why is this advantageous? Lacking social skills generally turns people away from you. But then there are those who take the opportunity to get to know you. This means that I have the uncommon ability to make friendships that are built around love, trust, and loyalty. Some of the relationships that I have built over the last several months have proven to not only be meaningful but also beneficial. Like I have said in the previous posts, I went through some difficult times over the last semester. If it wasn't for the love and support I got from these friends, I have no clue where I would be.

Yes, I am finally taking Houston
Most of these relationships began in Texas of all places. Over spring break, I got the opportunity to travel with one of Lancaster Bible College's journey teams to the Houston Area. We traveled to volunteer with an organization called Samaritan's Purse. Little fun fact about this organization, it is headed by Franklin Graham... son of Billy Graham.

This trip would be the trip of a lifetime. It wasn't a vacation. It wasn't a time filled with relaxation and luxury. It was a trip that brought me closer to God as well as to some pretty amazing people.

You see, when you build a house together, you build a unique connection. You get some time to really get to know each other. That would generally make someone like myself kinda nervous, because past experiences would say that at least half of these people would tease me and pick on me because I was different. You can probably imagine my surprise then when I came out of this trip with a "squad". I don't call it that.. they do.

Since meeting these people in Texas, I have always had people to lean on. In fact.. for the first time in my life, one of these people said to me that they would be their for me... no matter what. Of course friendships come and go, but that doesn't make that statement any less significant.

The only downside to all this is that having a social disorder can cause me to make some mistakes. I've lost friends due to a lack of social awareness in some cases, but that only makes the ones that I still have more special to me. You see, a common misconception about people with Asperger's Syndrome is that they don't want to interact with people. In reality however, we just don't know the best ways to do so. Even with my closest friends I have had some awkward moments. But what is so amazing about these people is that instead of distancing themselves or making fun of me, they helped me through those moments.


Monday, June 4, 2018

So you have a friend with Asperger's Syndrome

Preface: The intention of this post is to provide some background information about what it is like to go through life with Asperger's Syndrome, speaking both with facts, and my own personal experiences. Through reading this, my hope is that you find yourself better equipped to love and support your friend with Asperger's syndrome, or any other Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). 

There are many day to day challenges that people like myself are faced with. They change as we grow older and as the people around us change. The challenges are more obvious in grade school than they are later in life. If you have a friend that you care about who has Asperger's Syndrome or another form of ASD, chances are they have been through a lot in life.

One of the biggest challenges that face people like myself come from social situations. While a neurotypical person develops social skills naturally by watching people around them, someone with Asperger's Syndrome lacks the ability to do so. For us, it requires some training, and a lot of hard work. A common misconception about people with Aspergers is that we are introverted and have no desire whatsoever to interact with people. This however is actually far from the truth. Many people with Aspergers including myself have a deep desire to build relationships with people but aren't quite sure how to. Sometimes previous failures make us fearful of trying.

Because of our lack of ability to develop social skills naturally, we become very easy targets for bullying. I experienced a lot of teasing as a result of personality traits that I did not have control over. Even in college I have been treated differently because of this. However, me talking about my own experiences doesn't present the bigger picture of a much more serious problem.

When it comes to bullying, people on the ASD are no strangers. In fact, In a study conducted by Autism Speaks that included 1,167 children aged 6-15, 63% reported they had been bullied at some point in their lives. Bullying of course includes a variety of things including your typical teasing up to physical and sometimes even sexual abuse. Because of our lack of natural social skills, we are often targeted for bullying.

In a study conducted by the National Autism Association that was conducted in 2009, it was found that...

  1. 65% of parents with children who have Asperger's Syndrome indicated that their child had been victimized by peers in at least one way in the last year
  2. 47% of parents indicated that their child had been physically hit by peers or siblings
  3. 50% were reported to be fearful of their peers
  4. 9% were attacked by gangs and physically harmed in private areas
  5. 12% reported their child had never been invited to a birthday party
  6. 6% reported consistently being chosen last for teams
  7. 3% reported eating lunch alone on a daily basis. 
In my own experience, I have in some ways been victimized by peers. It isn't always the intention of a peer to victimize or discriminate against someone like myself with AS. This has happened to me throughout my life, even in college. In fact, at the end of my freshman year, I experienced a situation in which I was treated like a freak, both by someone who was a close friend and the school I attend. The situation left me fearful of my peers, including those that I was close to and stood behind me as I dealt with this situation. 

Asperger's Syndrome is defined as a developmental disorder related to autism and characterized by higher than average intellectual ability coupled with impaired social skills and restrictive, repetitive patterns of interest or activities. When it comes to these interests, if they aren't interests that are shared with others, they are often discouraged and quashed as quickly as possible. This happened to me throughout grade school. I have a very significant interest in commercial aviation. However, because it wasn't a common interest, it was often discouraged. If only the thousands of pilots in the sky, flight attendants, business executives knew. 



I'm sure reading all of this you are probably thinking.. What can I do to support my friend with Asperger's Syndrome?

First of all, I owe it to my friends for sticking beside me no matter what. If it weren't for the love and support that I got from my friends, I am not sure where I would be. That isn't to say that they haven't made mistakes, and that isn't to say I haven't made mistakes either. There are a few things that you need to know though to be the best friend and ally that you can be, that is if you actually care about that person. 

First of all, make it known to them that you care about them, and that you are there for them no matter what. Because social skills don't come naturally to us, be warned that we might say or do some unusual things. When this happens, be honest. The worst thing that you could do is distance yourself because this person isn't what you call "normal" (what does that even mean, anyway). 

Also, be aware that prior bullying might make it more difficult for them to trust you. It isn't uncommon for people to create conditional friendships to control people on the autism spectrum. It has happened to me, and it has happened to others as well. Always be ready to stand up for them. They will stand up for you as well. 

And most importantly, provided that the interests aren't inappropriate or harmful, encourage them rather than quash them. This is especially true in college. You typically attend college to study a field that interests you, so to discourage someone for their interests that they have come to study would be kind of counterproductive. These repetitive interests and behaviors might at first glance seem wrong and unhelpful, but actually prove later in life to be very advantageous. 

Hopefully by reading this blog post, you have gained a better understanding of what it is like to live life with a social disorder that makes you a target, and how you can love and support friends who have this disorder. 



Tuesday, May 22, 2018

Life at a Christian College

Preface: This blog is intended to provide some information about general life at a christian post-secondary institution. It comes from my own experience, and results will most certainly vary. This article is intended to answer some questions, as well as lay to rest some myths and misconceptions. 

While I was in Texas, I had the opportunity to interact with Christians from Michigan Tech. We got to talking about the college experience, and they asked the question, "what is life like a Christian college?" My freind Bobby put it perfectly... WEIRD. But there is much more to life at a Christian school than WEIRD. There are many upsides and downsides, but there are also some misconceptions. I am going to cover a number of items in this blog. I would like to stress that every school is different.

Rules: The first thing to note about attending a Christian school is that the rules will be different from a traditional post-secondary institute. These rules usually fall in line with scripture. One of the rules at my particular university which seems pretty consistent is the dress code. You are expected to dress in a manor that is respectful of yourself. (In other words, no leggings and no tank tops). Some schools are more laid back than others. For example, at my school, men and women can freely interact everywhere on campus except for the dorm rooms (there are a large number of common areas in each dorm building that men and women can interact). In fact, all except for one dorm at my school is co-ed. The last thing that one might find intrusive but really isn't that big of a deal is curfew. At my school, curfew runs form 1am-6am. Between those hours, you are unable to access your buildings (you can access any door INSIDE the building but you can't access the main doors). There are some RAs who will police this much more than what one would see as necessary, but most are pretty laid back. That seems like a pain right? Well, you will find very quickly that if you aren't a party person you usually fall asleep before midnight. Some schools have very strict rules, but others, such as mine are very laid back.

Education: A common misconception about christian schools, especially "bible" schools is that everyone who attends is attending to become a pastor or a missionary. This is actually not the case as many students attend to study things like education, social work, counseling, business, and even more specialized areas such as criminal justice. That being said, students will also take bible classes. At Lancaster Bible College, most students will not only graduate with a bachelors degree in their field of choice but also an AA in Biblical Studies.

Romance: Another misconception (and argued about quite a bit) is the idea of finding a wife at bible school. If that is the only reason why you are attending school.. JUST STOP. While it is true that a number of people who attend bible college get married to someone they met there, it isn't a guarantee, and it shouldn't be your primary goal. "Ring by Spring" is really only about 2% true. You see it every once in a while, but it isn't a regular occurrence.

Spiritual Life: Spiritual life on campus is significant. My RA for my first year was a pastoral studies major. He had section bible studies which always resulted in some interesting and quite entertaining conversations. Chapel is also a regular occurrence. For me it was 3 days a week, Tuesday-Thursday. Some schools have it once a week, some have it every day. It is a wonderful time to remove yourself from academics for a time of worship and fellowship. Also, being surrounded by a large number of Christians means that you have a lot of opportunities to engage in theological discussions, which happens ALL THE TIME. And for me, when I am trying to sleep and I hear one break out, I just can't help but join in. It's a lot of fun actually (as boring as it sounds).

The Bubble Effect: One of the most accurate assumptions made about going to a bible college is that you are stuck in a bubble. When you go to a bible college, you are surrounded by a large quantity of like minded people. Secular schools don't go without this effect either but the values are significantly different, and by that I mean a leftist student attending Yale University would be triggered to kingdom come if they spent 5 minutes at a Conservative Christian University. I had the advantage of working for an airline so I was constantly exposed to different people with different backgrounds with different ideas.

Saturday, May 19, 2018

Santa Fe High School Shooting

Preface: I was deeply saddened to hear about the events occurring at a High School near Galveston, TX. This is the area in which I spent my spring break. It is a wonderful area, filled with wonderful people, and it is truly horrific to see communities torn apart by these types of events. My thoughts and prayers go to the families who lost loved ones, the students who lost friends, the teachers who lost students, and anyone else impacted by this event. 

The Incident: At 7:45AM (CDT), a gunman opened fire at the Sante Fe High School, in the general Houston area of Texas. As of today, there have been 10 confirmed fatalities, and additional injuries. Among the dead were two substitute teachers and several other students, one of which was a foreign exchange student from Pakistan. Several other people were injured in the incident, including the school resource officer who sustained a gunshot to the arm. According to the Houston police chief, Art Acevedo, the resource officer is recovering but will be okay.

In addition to the shooting, multiple explosives were also found on campus. It has not been reported that any of these explosives were detonated or resulted in any injuries.

Things to Note: The first thing to note is the time of the incident. The incident took place at 7:45 in the morning, which would be the beginning of the school day. I do not know what the morning procedures are at this particular school, but the doors to the school are typically unlocked in the morning to allow students to enter, which would generally leave a school more vulnerable to attack.

Unlike the school resource officer in Parkland, the resource officer here did respond and was injured in his response. Several students reported that the fire alarm was activated, similar to the incident in Florida.

Prior to the event, it has been reported that the suspect did post images on social media that depicted gun use, as well as other unsettling things, such as him in a tshirt that said "born to kill". My Opinion: You would think that ESPECIALLY after the incident that occurred in Parkland, Florida, that this would be a reason to evaluate the suspect

Unlike the event in Parkland, in which an AR-15 rifle was used, in this particular incident, a shotgun and a .38 caliber revolver, which is a handgun was used.

Texas has some of the most lax gun regulations in the nation. In recent campaigns, gun violence was not a primary issue on either side of the aisle.

What to expect: The first thing that will likely happen will be the re ignition of the gun control debate. It seems as though everything had died down from the events in Parkland, however based on the political leanings of the state of Texas, it would be reasonable to expect a very different response from the survivors of the incident.

My Stance: 3 months ago I wrote a piece about the incident in Parkland and how I felt about some of the gun control measures that were being proposed. That article can be viewed in the link at the bottom of the page. However, banning assault rifles would not have prevented this particular incident because it was carried out with a shotgun and a handgun. The perpetrator was a minor. It is illegal to sell firearms to those under the age of 18 in Texas, however this is no minimum age to posses one. That should not change because minors do hunt, minors do also participate in sports involving firearms such as target shooting, which is an Olympic sport, done with rifles (air and bullet), shotguns, and pistols. There was enough reason based on social media posts that there was something going on here, and that was missed. There were a number of warning signs prior to the events in Parkland, that were ignored. The biggest thing that needs to change is our response to these warning signs. Fear mongering is not going to help, we must be cautious when responding to warning signs as to not impede upon others rights (i.e. suspending student for going to gun ranges outside of school hours).

We also need to make sure that there is a plan in place for violent incidents like this one. As I have said in the past, not all incidents like this one occur with firearms, but regardless a universal plan must be in place. Training teachers to respond to incidents (whether through a program like ALiCE or other program) is a must, as some districts still have the traditional lockdown plan. It is also important to educate not only students, but also office workers in office buildings, on making decisions during life or death situations like this one. Schools have monthly fire drills, and yet school shootings occur more frequently than fires. Why are we better prepared for a fire? That is a problem.

My Opinion: I do believe that the second amendment was written with the assumption that firearms would evolve over time. I do believe that it is very clear that the right to bear arms shall not be infringed upon. I do believe that certain regulations should be put in place to prevent those who have committed violent crimes from obtaining firearms, as well as those who have been diagnosed with mental illness.

Sources
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/texas-school-shooting-santa-fe-high-school-dimitrios-pagourtzis-latest-today-2018-05-18/  
-For the story and things to note

https://www.olympic.org/shooting
-Shooting as an olympic sport

http://lawcenter.giffords.org/minimum-age-to-purchase-possess-in-texas/
-Age laws in Texas

http://thelatestgabe.blogspot.com/2018/02/school-shooting-in-south-florida.html
-Previous blog in response to shooting in Parkland, FL

Friday, May 11, 2018

Living with an Autism Spectrum Disorder: My story

Fear, shame, regret, uncertain. These are 4 words that would accurately describe how I often feel about myself, based on my interactions with others. The desire to just seem normal to other people is nothing less than a fantasy. My story begins at a young age.

In 2002, my Father was relocated to South Korea, and me and my Mother moved across the ocean along with him. My earliest memory is actually of the plane that we flew from Atlanta, to Seoul. Perhaps that might explain my passion for aviation, that or the fact that my Father has been a pilot for most of my life. I was just 4 years old. I had my first go at education during that year. It was also during that time that I accepted Christ into my life. This was a decision that would prove to be quite important later on in life.

We moved back to the US in 2003, back to Alabama, where we would stay until 2005. At that point I had already exhibited signs of ADHD and was placed on medication. This did not last long however as it significantly messed with various aspects of my personality. It also very seriously impacted my appetite. At that point in my life it was already obvious that there was something very different about me.

We moved to Pennsylvania in 2005, a place that I have since fallen in love with. Whether it be the sweet chocolate smell of my hometown of Hershey, or the beautiful countryside of Lancaster, everything I could have ever dreamed of was in my reach. Not long after moving to Pennsylvania, I was officially diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, which falls on the autism spectrum. Many people with this disorder call themselves aspies. This disorder is defined as a developmental disorder related to autism and characterized by higher than average intellectual ability coupled with impaired social skills and restrictive, repetitive patterns of interest and activities. In other words, very smart but not able to experience natural social skills.

I entered the realm of public education going into the 4th grade, but struggled significantly with social interactions. I would often find myself playing alone on the playground, mostly because I just didn't (and still don't) have the ability to just walk up to people and start talking to them. Those that I did interact with had come to me. However, those that did come to me, thought I was weird. At the time, I had a fascination with weather. Today, my passion is things that fly, that and roller coasters.

Another passion that I discovered while I was in the fourth grade was music. I saw that the elementary school I attended had an orchestra and I really wanted to play the violin. However, when I got home and talked to my parents, they suggested I try cello (had no clue what a cello was at the time). I gave it a shot, and a couple of months in, everything just fell into place. I have been playing cello since, now for 11 years.

Going into middle school was especially challenging. This is the time where people begin to experience changes, and are therefore quite hostile to others if they aren't confident in themselves. Me having a social disorder made me a very easy target for bullying. I had what I guess you could call friends at the time but for the most part I was alone. I was constantly picked on for being different. When it came to things I excelled at, I was actually made fun of for being an "overachiever". Looking back at that one, I shouldn't have been offended by that, because having drive leads to success.

Dealing with all of this lead to depression, something that to this day I have told very few people about. I had even at some times considered taking my own life. However, as I said earlier accepting Christ into my life would prove quite important, because I did have a church family. I had people that I could openly interact with. I also had my music, which did bring me a lot of comfort. Another challenge that I began to face in middle school was anxiety. This would become much worse in high school.

Toward the end of middle school, things had progressed to the point where I ended up moving into a cyber classroom setting, away from other people. This did end the problem of bullying, but you see less of that in high school anyway. I went into high school in the same cyber classroom setting but as I continued to go through high school I began to return to the regular classroom setting. My senior year of high school, I met someone who would become my first actual friend. This is someone who I also attend college with.

At the end of high school I began to overcome some hurdles that come with having an ASD. The first one being social interactions. I began to make friends. I had a positive outlook on the future. I had plans to attend Johnson and Wales University to major in Travel and Tourism Management. That plan ended up falling through due to finances, and I ended up taking a gap year. Unfortunately that put me behind everyone else in my own class, which for some reason bothers me now that I am a freshman in college instead of a sophomore.

During my gap year I overcame another significant hurdle. I found a sustainable career. I became a customer service representative for United Airlines. This was a job that I took a lot of pride in. I also take pride in having had the opportunity to represent United. It was in February of 2017, after several months with the airline that I decided to return to school. I was accepted into Lancaster Bible College, Capital Seminary and Graduate School as a Worship and Performing Arts student. But little did I know I would change to Business Administration shortly before the first term began.

I walked into the doors of the Good Shepard Chapel at LBC during my WEEKEND of WELCOME, and overcame my next hurdle. Post secondary education. I very quickly began to interact with many people, and made a number of friends. Social barriers began to fall. The only problem was that I was not open about my disorder, and because of my disorder, I often miss many social cues. This lead to many friendships being broken off. I had shared with some people who I did trust about my disorder, but was then treated differently because of it.

In fact, less than month ago, I had a friend who I had trusted, completely betray said trust. There were social cues that I was missing, but that person was not able to communicate to me that I was missing them. It ended up leading some feelings of betrayal, lost confidence and humiliation. The lesson to be learned from this is that with people with Apserger's, you need to be open and honest with them. We would rather you tell us that we are doing something that you don't find socially acceptable, than for you to just treat us like we are special nutcases.


I share my story today, because I feel as I am being called to do so. Having asperger's syndrome doesn't make me particularly different. There are very few if any things that I am unable to do that others can.


Friday, February 23, 2018

School shooting in South Florida

Preface: The events that occurred on Valentine's Day of 2018 in Florida were truly horrific. Innocent lives were lost in a particularly heinous act of school violence. My heart and prayers go out to the students who were impacted by the incident. Those who lost friends, siblings. Parents who will never get to see their children again. Shortly after the incident, almost on cue, the debates began. Below is my take on push for stricter gun control regulations.

On February 14, 2018, a former student who had been expelled for disciplinary reasons opened fire at the Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, FL. For those who do not know where that is, it is near Ft. Lauderdale. Since the incident, we have seen many debates on gun control. According to the Chicago Tribune, there have been roughly 188 shootings at schools and universities across the United States, since the beginning of the century. Each time one has occurred, we have seen a never ending cycle. First, the news breaks and we hear thoughts and prayers. Almost immediately after politics sets in, followed by raging debates. About a week or so later everyone moves on to the next thing and forgets about it. This time will likely be the same, but there have been a few interesting things that have come of the most recent incident

First of all, we are seeing the same "ban all the guns" from many people. We have heard the students that were present at the time of the shooting calling for stricter gun regulations. While firearms should not be accessible to those who have a history of mental illness or crime, stricter gun regulations might not be the answer. A common argument that we see is that the problem is guns. There is a major hole in that theory. Not all assaults involve firearms.

On May 18, 1927, one of the deadliest attacks on a school occurred, resulting in 44 fatalities. This incident is commonly known as the Bath School Disaster, in Bath Township, Michigan, and it is the deadliest school massacre to date. At 8:45AM, the north wing of the Bath School exploded. According to the Smithsonian, the blast occurred with such force that it could be heard from miles away. The building had been bombed by Andrew Kehoe. As people were rushing to the aid of those impacted, he stepped out of his truck and fired a rifle at it, resulting in an additional explosion that killed himself, and several bystanders. While a firearm was used in this attack, the attacker did not shoot any of the victims. Too long ago to be a valid argument?

On April 9, 2014, 23 students were injured in an incident Franklin Regional High School, in Pennsylvania. This incident however, did not include a firearm, but rather a knife. Just before school started before the day, a student began stabbing and slashing other students in the science wing of the building. 23 students and a security guard were all injured in the attack. 5 in critical condition.

Beyond these two incidents there are a number of additional times around the world in which individuals have come in and attacked students with alternative weapons, including but not limited to hammers, axes, and knives. One such involving an axe occurred in China in 2016. In which 7 children were struck while waiting in line for lunch. The perpetrator of the attack claimed that his motive was revenge on society, after having been arrested several times for theft.

None of these 3 incidents could've been prevented by stricter gun regulations. And while stricter gun regulations could have potentially prevented the incident from occurring in Florida, that isn't to say that attackers aren't able to illegally obtain firearms, or attack using alternative measures. Some after reading what I just wrote may be angered and disagree with what I said. I would like to however share some of my thoughts for new gun control regulations.
  1. Increase the minimum age to purchase firearms to 21
    1. If the perpetrator of the firearm obtained the weapon legally, this law would have prevented the whole thing occurring.
  2. Prohibit the sale of firearms to those convicted of violent crimes
    1. Those who have a history of violence should not be permitted to legally obtain firearms
      1. This would include those who have been convicted of the following
        1. Armed Robbery
        2. Rape
        3. Homicide
        4. Attempted Homicide
        5. Burglary
        6. Theft involving a firearm
  3. Prohibit the sale of firearms to those with a history of mental illness
    1. If the weapon used in the attack was obtained legally, the incident that occurred may not have happened.
Even with these regulations in place, there is no way to stop violence from occurring, but there are ways to at least try to prevent them from occurring. 


Sources
https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/1927-bombing-remains-americas-deadliest-school-massacre-180963355/

http://pittsburgh.cbslocal.com/2014/04/09/multiple-students-reported-stabbed-at-franklin-regional-high-school/

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/asia/china-school-attacks-stabbing-axe-seven-injured-two-adults-beiguan-primary-school-hanzhong-a7439906.html