Past Disappointments and the impact on relationships

"HAVING COURAGEOUS FAITH GIVES US HOPE TO SEE BEYOND PAST DISAPPOINTMENTS" -MATT MYLIN, 2018

You may recall seeing that the end of the last semester at LBC was particularly rough on me. I had a friend that stabbed me in the back in one of the worst possible ways. What I haven't really talked about however was the lasting impact that it left. It has impacted me in a number of ways.

I have a very tight group of friends, each of which I love very much. However, over the last several months, I have been fearful of them. They hadn't done anything to me. They were and are real friends. I'll take that a step further. Words do not even begin to describe how much they mean to me. But because of what happened with someone else, I have had this anxiety that they would do the same.

There are several reasons for this. First of all, because of what was said about me, I had this feeling that I was nothing but a burden to them. Like I said in a previous post, I have had feelings of shame, feelings of inadequacy, feelings of just not being good enough for anyone. This week at camp while teaching a bible lesson to my campers, I came across a significant re-revelation. The truth is found in Psalm 139:14a which states "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made" (ESV). We are made in the image of God. He has a plan to use our lives. We are created to have intimacy with Him.

I had a very meaningful conversation today with one of my co-workers about what I have been dealing with over the last couple of months. First of all, the fear of some of the people that I love that they would hurt me just like the last person did. That they wouldn't be there when I needed them most. But he brought up the point that they were there for me when I was dealing with what I was dealing with over the last couple of months.

I was convicted. I was looking for a sign that they would be there for me no matter what. So much so that I missed it. They were. They are. They will be. Even further, I am not a burden to them. Granted, they have said that more than once, but the enemy is strong and puts lies into your head. But upon sharing some of the interactions that I have had some of these people, it was obvious to my coworker that my friends don't see me as a burden at all. In fact, quite the opposite. There is a takeaway from a sermon given by Matt Mylin at Worship Center that was very convicting. "Having Courageous faith gives us hope to see beyond previous disappointments"  

So why does it matter that we are fearfully and wonderfully made? God created us in HIS image. He has a reason for every part of us. I discovered that this week at camp. Being autistic allows me to understand other people with special needs on a different level than someone who doesn't have special needs. Its so easy to look at what we see as disadvantages as exactly those, but we fail to recognize the advantages.

I have talked about the ability to create and maintain meaningful relationships, perhaps more so than a "normal" person. I have also talked about the ability to be productive, which I have seen in previous jobs. But in the end, it doesn't matter what happens around me, because God's plans are bigger than mine. There is a song that comes to mind when I write that, by the name of Wide Open, by Austin French. The first verse is "Plans, I'd been the fool, thought my plans was so much bigger, so much better than Yours". That verse right there is very convicting. Everything that happens in our lives happens for a reason, and we often get so caught up in our own plans that we blow off the fact that our plans mean nothing.

I would like to take this opportunity to once again thank my friends for being who they are and for being there to me. There aren't words that describe how much they mean to me and how thankful I am to have them.