An open letter to singleness

A Quick Background

Fall and Spring are two big seasons for romance. A lot of new relationships form in the fall, and a lot of marriage proposals happen in the spring. This is especially true when you are like me and made the mistake of attending a bible college. THERE IS A REASON BIBLE COLLEGES HAVE A REPUTATION FOR HAVING A RING BY SPRING ATTITUDE, but I digress. What I do want to say before you read this letter, is that these two seasons can be very challenging for the single folk. It's not hard to feel forgotten when all the new relationships begin and sometimes you really do feel alone. Don't get me wrong, there are so many benefits to being single, but there are also drawbacks.

One more thing.... when you are in a relationship and you are talking to a single friend who is down on their relationship status, don't tell them they aren't missing out on much. Everyone knows that is complete and utter bullcrap and does more harm than good. On the other hand, single people are 100% less likely to get broken up with than individuals in relationships. Without further ado, my open letter to singleness.

An open letter to singleness

Oh Singleness, 

You have a way of keeping life interesting. Some days I just adore you and never want you to leave. Other days, well lets just say I want to shove you into a box and send you down the river. 

Thanks to you, I can binge watch an entire season of Stranger Things on Netflix without having to wait for a significant other. Thanks to you, I have nobody to binge watch Stranger Things with while cozy on a couch with a significant other who may or may not be more enthralled by the story of Jane. 

Thanks to you, I am able to focus on maintaining some of the most important relationships in my life. Thanks to you, I lack a truly intimate relationship with someone who knows me on a deeper level than my closest friends. 

What a double edged sword you are. Thanks to you, I can follow my passions without taking someone else’s life into consideration. I can go anywhere I want, whenever I want. Unfortunately because of you, I haven’t got a partner to share my passions with. I can ride whatever I want to ride at the amusement park, but I might as well wear a shirt that says ‘single rider’. 

You are very friendly to animals. I don’t have to spring into action ready to kill something at the sound of a scream. Instead, I can marvel at the fascinating creatures I find in my bathroom! Whenever we go to the Zoo, we just love to check out the snakes, and we even secretly hope there’s a tarantula we can play with! If it weren’t for you, I would have no idea that tarantulas found in the United States don’t actually rely on their fangs for defense against predators. Who knew?

You’re my best friend in the summertime, but my mortal enemy in the winter. We just love riding all the rides at the park and marveling at the fireworks on July 4. When the holidays come however, you just have a way of bringing me down. We look at all the couples together during the holidays and we wonder what it’d be like to be able to ring in the new year with someone special? What would it be like to watch Christmas movies cuddled up on a warm couch with some fresh hot cocoa? 

There are days where you have me pinned down. There are days where I have you pinned down. Here’s to hoping one of these days we finally break up. Sometimes we get along, sometimes I just wanna grab you by the neck and squeeze. Love or hate each other though, I’m stuck with you for now. 

Signed, 

The one signing Backstreet Boys with Jake Peralta

What is it like to be "different" in 2019?

Autism is something that has become more prevalent in our society over the last 10 to 15 years. Growing up with any autism spectrum disorder can be very difficult for several reasons. First, many of us on the spectrum face discrimination at one point or another. In grade school this might be exclusion from normal activities because of social differences or challenges, it may be emotional, mental, and sometimes physical abuse from classmates and teachers, and it can even come from impatient parents.

I want to get to the root of this before moving on. Typically the way that autism is explained to neurotypical children is that it it means that they might be different in some ways. When it comes to social norms, this is a pretty accurate statement. However, it leads me to ask this question. Are we really "different?" In my humble opinion, there are over 8 billion people on this planet, and no two people are exactly alike, so what exactly is different? We often define different as something that opposes the social norms that we are used to seeing.

Many of the messages that we receive growing up are messages that say that we need to conform to social norms. That we are broken people and that we need to be fixed. For the longest time I have believed that to be true, but through professional work experience and time at college, I have found that this really isn't the full truth, especially in the present day. I often speak out against a lot of the inclusion stuff because it really isn't as beneficial as people make it out to be. For example, consolidating all autism-like disorders into one umbrella does not benefit people like myself with Asperger's Syndrome, or those diagnosed with Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified, because we all have unique needs that don't quite fall under the needs of people with classic autism.

That being said, there are some benefits when it comes to a societal point. As an adult I have felt much less excluded in the things that I do, than I did growing up. One point I have made is that one goes to college to pursue a passion. I have made absolutely no strides to conform to the social norms at Lancaster Bible College, and have been successful 99% of the time. I make mistakes, I run into conflicts, but in the end, being unique is ultimately better than conformity. I have interests that I speak a lot about. Many people who know me know I love airplanes. My father is a military pilot and has been for most of my life. I talk about it a lot, to the point where I probably do annoy some people. However I have found that while growing people up have said I should try to talk about things other people like, I have not taken that advice to heed, and it landed me my dream job with United Airlines.

Success used to be defined by people who attain high paying jobs by fitting into the social norms that society has laid out. In the present day however, having an autism spectrum disorder puts me at a unique advantage. The most successful people in large technology firms such as Apple, Google, Motorola etc... are those with autism spectrum disorders. These firms actively seek to employ people with these disorders because it provides a very significant competitive advantage to these organizations. For starters, people with Asperger's Syndrome tend to be very detail oriented. This means that when someone with Asperger's is looking over something, they will notice the smallest details, and sometimes, it is the smallest details that end up mattering the most.

This attention to detail aspect for me has led to success in both the airline industry as well as the private security sector. Previously I held a job as a Security Professional with Allied Universal, and found that I ended up fitting in very quickly because I tended to notice some of the smallest things that would turn into some very big problems if they weren't addressed while they were still small problems. Today, I am a Public Safety Officer at Lancaster Bible College and have been commended on a regular basis for my attention to detail and the things that I catch while on duty.

When it comes to friendships, things are certainly quite interesting. One of the biggest misconceptions is that people on the autism spectrum simply lack a desire to seek out friendships. This is a very ignorant statement and must be quashed when spoken, because it is the complete opposite of the truth. The real truth is that many people on the spectrum find it very difficult to make friends naturally. I have certainly been blessed with some amazing friends that I have spoken about quite a bit. Do I make mistakes that causes tension? ABSOLUTELY. Do they make mistakes that cause tension? Once again... ABSOLUTELY. But here's where things become more special. When one of us or both of us make a mistake, we talk about it. I never intend to hurt anyone, but sometimes I do so inadvertently. Here is what I love about my friends so much. When I do inadvertently hurt one of them, and I ask them about it, they are honest, and they are willing to talk about it in ways that help me understand exactly why what I said or did hurt them the way it did.

The biggest wall I face now though is romance. I will be 21 in less than 2 months, and have yet to have my first girlfriend. The idea of dating gives me great anxiety because while people have come to me for relationship advice, I speak only based on observation. I don't necessarily fear rejection, I honestly fear that moment when a girl says "I like you too". First of all I have absolutely no clue where go from there, but second of all, I also fear that I am going to cause a lot of problems in my relationship because of the things that I simply do not understand. With that, singleness is the season that I am in right now, and while I embrace it the majority of the time, the spring has a tendency to be the hardest on me. This is the time when everyone appears to be getting engaged or entering into romantic relationships, and this time of year I am constantly reminded of my singleness. A wise woman said to me that "Single now is not single forever". I often fear that God has decided that I am to live a life of singleness. Even though I trust that whatever God does in my life will be good, the thought of being single for the rest of my life is devastating.

People on the autism spectrum have all types of barriers to overcome. I spoke about each and every one of them. At the end of the day though, when it comes to neurodiversity, nobody is superior to anyone else. We each have our own abilities and in 2019, having unique abilities is one of the biggest advantages you can have over everyone else. Being different in 2019 is kinda awesome.

Confronting Depression and Anxiety: My Story

Preface: I have come across a number of people within the church who firmly believe that anxiety, or more specifically in my own case an anxiety disorder, is merely the result of a lack of faith, or a spiritual failure. I recently stumbled across an article on the Focus on the Family website that addresses this issue, and I am very thankful that I did. I will be sharing my story regarding my battle with depression and my attempted suicide. 

First and foremost, it should be noted that just because someone is a believer does not mean that they are immune to anxiety. There are a number of things that may cause anxiety. For instance, the underlying cause of my anxiety disorder is my Asperger's Syndrome. I have spoken much about my ASD but haven't spoken much about my anxiety.

Another thing that goes hand in hand with anxiety is depression. Again, just because someone is a believer does not make them immune to this. It also should be noted that depression is not always an attack from Satan, and that it can always be solved by getting closer to God. I have been disgusted time and time again by the incredibly ignorant notion that someone who is battling depression is only facing that battle because their faith isn't strong enough.

Before I share my personal story, I have this to offer. There are many people within the church who are battling depression and anxiety. As mentioned by Focus on the Family, some people who are facing these battles will only seek help if they are encouraged to. This is because of the ignorant notions which result in the fear that seeking help is a sign of weakness. This is far from the truth. The real truth is that seeking help is a sign of strength.

As I have previously stated, 2018 was a very challenging year for me. I went through a number of challenging events and found myself in some very difficult seasons. I have previously spoken of betrayal. Things were made more difficult by the loss of Joseph Masi over the summer. Joey was one of my closest friends at Lancaster Bible College. Things were made even more difficult with events going on at home.

Immediately following the experience of betrayal I began to experience depression more ferociously. This was also coupled with anxiety. Seeking help was very difficult because as I previously stated there are negative connotations within the church, which needs to change. I went through the majority of the year in silence. I eventually did seek some counsel toward the end of the summer, but again was too afraid to fully speak my mind for fear of judgement.

I entered my sophomore year of college fighting this battle. The stress of school only added to my anxiety, and I continued to be silent about my struggles. Things evolved to a point where I began to plan my suicide. In my lifetime I have never experienced something more surreal than deciding the date that I was going to die, November 25, 2018. I was stopped in my tracks by a voice as I began the trek toward the place I was going to end my life. This voice turned me around and guided me to the shower, where I sat and cried for several hours. I do not doubt for a second that this was the voice of God. I eventually reached out for help, and surrounded myself with my closest friends.

The road to recovery has not been easy, and has been riddled with bumps. However, I am certainly grateful for the people who surrounded me as I fought this battle. Life is very different for me than it was just a month ago.

My hope in sharing this story is twofold. First and foremost, I want to challenge everyone who believes that depression is the result of a lack of faith to read through the book of Job. Secondly, I want to speak to those who are currently battling depression. This is what I have to say. Light can be found even in the darkest of places. This quote was famously spoken by Albus Dumbledore from the Harry Potter series. This is a statement that is full of truth. If you are experiencing depression and/or anxiety or thoughts of suicide, I want to encourage you to reach out. No matter how much darkness surrounds you, it does not have to be the end.

Shine Bright: Behind the Song

I don't typically write music, but sometimes a story, or an observation, can be best described in a way that is more moving than words by themselves. 2018 has been a particularly difficult year, and the troubles began pretty early on.

April 6, 2018 is a day that is committed to memory because there were several things that happened that day. I was faced with a unique challenge, that was only unique because of my condition. After the events transpired I spoke with a friend by the name of Joseph Masi. He was in my section, and was also one of my best friends. I told him about the events that had transpired, and he brought up the idea of writing a song to express it. When he first said that, I laughed it off but a few days later, the beginning of the song came to me.

The spring semester of 2018 was not just a difficult time for myself, but for a number of other people as well. It seemed as though my entire friend group was going through something. There were battles being fought left and right. My own battle at the time was anxiety. But I also noticed that I was not the only one battling anxiety. I am a very empathetic person, which means that ones mood can easily influence my own mood. Because we are each created in the image of God, each and every one of us is indeed beautiful. But as the first verse is written, it is very hard to see someone that I care about facing any type of battle.

Depression is a very common battle, as is addiction, upon many other things. However, not only do we have this pressure to keep this to ourselves, it often seems as though those around us expect us to just shove our difficulties aside and keep going as if nothing was wrong. As Christians we are not exempt from this pressure. In fact, the enemy will often deceive us to believe that this is something that we must keep to ourselves. The church also isn't always the greatest at coming alongside those who are facing battles of really any type.

The pre-chorus falls in line with the 'look up child' mentality. This isn't to say that feelings of depression are invalid but as soon as you find strength to look up, everything can change in an instant. We are given this light from God. This light that comes from the gospel (or 'good news'). This doesn't just mean that we shine our light, but our battle can also become a light when we overcome it. When we fight a battle or we struggle with something, it becomes almost impossible to realize that we aren't the only one facing that battle. A testimony is one of the most powerful tools available to one in ministry. Your battle, and your testimony can be the thing that changes everything in the life of one who might be facing the same struggle.

The song also talks about how we keep ourselves hidden away because we are unsure of what to do. In my own experience, I have found I become afraid to be around other people, because I don't have the ability to put a mask on. And sometimes we honestly just need some time alone. However sometimes we may feel forced to keep ourselves hidden away, because maybe we feel ashamed to be fighting a battle. Maybe we are afraid of what other people might think.

I became stuck for a little bit because the song didn't feel complete but I didn't have anything else to add. That is until a very close friend of mine shared some unfortunate news with me. When one who you are close to becomes ill, not just sick, but to the point where death is a near possibility, this becomes a new battle. It becomes not just a physical battle for the person dealing with it, but an emotional battle to those who are close to that person. In my case I was devastated because while I don't know the person who is dealing with this huge battle, I was watching one of my best friends face a challenging emotional battle, and I just put pen to paper.

This song is a very broad song but it speaks into everything that I witnessed and experienced for myself last semester. I haven't shared this song or even spoken of it for a long time because there was backlash to it. Backlash that I had written about. Backlash that had result in a lot of hurt, self doubt, and doubt in God's purpose for me. And yet even the song that caused the backlash speaks into that. For your listening, the song is included. The lyrics are below the video.

Lyrics

You walk through life 

with a frown on that beautiful face

you know it kills me inside 

just to see you this way

They tell you just to

suck it up when life gets rough

and now you're feeling knocked down. 

You might be overwhelmed

you might be getting down

you might be getting ready to shout

But don't forget he gives you love

He gave you his life and he gives you the light

So won't you shine, brighter than ever

So all may see, your light. 

shine bright. 

Now it's getting heavy

you're not sure what to do 

so you keep yourself hidden away

Your head is burrowed deep

deep with in your arms and 

the tears are running down your face

You might be overwhelmed

You might be getting down 

You might be getting ready to shout

But don't forget he gives you love

He gave you his life and he gives you the light

So won't you shine, brighter than ever

So all may see, your light

So won't you shine

Brighter than ever

Light up the darkness

Light up this world

So won't you shine

Brighter than ever 

So all may see... your light

Shine bright. 

Chains

At church we often hear about chains. Chains that bind us, chains that break when we come to know Jesus. It is not something that we like to think about, and its important to note that even as Christians, we can still be bound by chains. 

Chains come in a variety of forms. In my own case, its forgiveness. I struggle greatly to forgive those who have hurt me. Maybe your chains come from your past. Maybe you have been broken in ways you could have never imagined. 

One chain that we never talk about is addiction. This is one that is personal to me. We don't often think of addiction as something that can turn deadly, but the unfortunate truth is that I lost one of my best friends to addiction this past summer. 

Maybe your chain comes from your fear of how others see you. Maybe you are so afraid of what people might think about something you are doing that you are willing to stab other people in the back. 

Maybe your chain comes from anxiety. It is so easy for someone who doesn't struggle with it to say something along the lines of "Cast your anxieties upon him". This is indeed a biblical statement, but it goes deeper than that. It's almost like people who say that have this expectation that one who faces anxiety will all of a sudden be completely rid of it. 

I have known a number of people who faced sexual abuse in their past. The trauma of this can create chains within itself. It can create feelings of brokenness. Feelings of worthlessness. Feelings of self loathing. 

Even as Christians, we aren't automatically free from chains. True, death has no claim over us, but even as Christians we have battles that we fight on a daily basis. Sometimes we feel like we are losing control. Sometimes we feel like we have to have control. 

Over the summer after camp ended I began attending the young adult ministry at my church called TheLivingRoom. Having the opportunity to do so has been a blessing. It is a time of community. A time of gathering. A time of support. 

A common theme we have been talking about is being in community with one another. You cannot break chains like addiction, lack of forgiveness, anxiety and others by yourself. You can't do it without Jesus, but you are going to find it very difficult to break chains without a community supporting you. 

Maybe your chain is depression. This is a controversial topic in the christian community as there are some who believe that one who battles depression is doing something wrong. The truth is, that isn't true at all. Pastors, worship leaders, youth leaders all around the globe have battled with this. 

Maybe your chain is something that you feel like you have to hide from everyone. That belief comes from the enemy. No matter what your chain is. Do not try to face it and break it alone. THERE IS POWER IN THE NAME OF JESUS TO BREAK EVERY CHAIN

If you know that you are bound by chains, talk to a friend. Talk to a counselor. Talk to somebody. Spend time in prayer. Spend time in the word. Enter into accountability relationships. Go through therapy if you must. 

I'm going to finish this post by sharing a song that has been sung every week since the beginning of September over at the Worship Center. There is so much truth to it. 

Steel Vengeance: A Review

Cedar Point is a large amusement park located on a peninsula that juts out into Lake Erie. As a result, the park is completely surrounded by water, resulting in picturesque views. But Cedar Point isn't just known for views. Cedar Point is also known for pushing roller coaster technologies to their limits, breaking records. Since the 1970s, almost every roller coaster that opened at Cedar Point broke world records for speed and height.

In 1990 Cedar Point announced that they would be opening a record breaking wooden roller coaster. Mean Streak would open the following year as the tallest and fastest wooden roller coaster in the world. This ride was also one of the longest when it opened. Over the years though many people complained about its roughness and in 2016, it was announced that the ride would be closing permanently. Almost immediately work began on removing the track to the ride, but not the support structure. 

In 2017, Cedar Point announced that Mean Streak was being converted into a hybrid roller coaster (That is a wooden support structure with a steel track). The ride would be converted by Rocky Mountain Construction and would be called Steel Vengeance. The ride would be the first hybrid roller coaster to top 200 feet and would become the tallest, and fastest hybrid roller coaster in the world. This roller coaster also features more air time than any other roller coaster (of any type) in the world. The ride opened this summer. 

I had the pleasure of riding this both as Mean Streak and as Steel Vengeance. While it was rough as a wooden coaster I enjoyed it, but Steel Vengeance is insane. I loved every minute of it. The ride is incredibly intense, and throws you into each element. You spend more time out of your seat than in it. You find yourself upside down 4 times. This ride is so insane it doesn't feel tamer after riding it a second or third time, and the adrenaline rush is like no other. 

For those of you who are familiar with Hersheypark and have not gotten to visit Cedar Point before, I can describe Steel Vengeance this way. Think of Skyrush, but longer, even more intense, more exhilarating and more airtime, and thighs that aren't crushed. Even though Cedar Point has a roller coaster that is literally 2x taller than Skyrush, Steel Vengeance would be Cedar Point's response to Skyrush. It might not be the biggest roller coaster in the world, but it sure is the baddest. It is absolutely a MUST RIDE, and is now my favorite roller coaster of them all. Just in case you were curious here are my personal rankings. 

Overall

1) Steel Vengeance- Cedar Point

2) Millennium Force- Cedar Point

3) Phantom's Revenge- Kennywood

4) Skyrush- Hersheypark

5) Maverick- Cedar Point

Autism: Why me?

Preface: This article is based on what I have found in the bible that answers a lot of personal questions. This article is more universal than my last ones, and isn't specific to the autism spectrum, but can also include any other type of disability or disease, even cancer. The question that often gets asked is why does this person go through this? Does God even care?

As I have said before, I am a counselor at the Woodcrest Retreat in Ephrata. Each week, we as counselors lead bible time with our campers, and day 1 is always regarding Psalms 139 and what it means to be fearfully and wonderfully made. Each week I share with my campers that I am autistic. Last week however, a camper asked me a really good question. "What does the bible say about autism?" While the bible does not mention autism by name, there are some universal lessons to be learned.

Lets start with John 9:1-3. Sometimes it might seem like God is punishing you because you have a disability, but as we see in John 9, this is actually far from the truth. This passage speaks of a blind man who has been blind since birth. This is what is written. "As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth, and his disciples asked him, Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" Jesus answered, it was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him" (ESV). When I first came across this passage, I was blown away. First of all, this serves as a reminder, that someone who suffers from anything since birth isn't cursed. In fact, there is a purpose.

Even today, we can see God using people with disabilities to impact others. Even as someone with a disability I can see God using OTHER people with disabilities to impact ME. Now, one thing that frustrates me is a common theme. People who have dealt with individuals on the spectrum might say that they learned to be more patient, or they learned to be more understanding. These are broad lessons, but each individual has something more to offer. I decided to ask one of my closest friends what they have learned from me, and this is what she had to say. "Your determination to not let what you have you saw as a negative thing in you to tear you down has encouraged me to think more positively". 

Since dealing with some very difficult events, I have really struggled with my identity and who I am. I began to let my identity come from my disability, and yet, according to 2 Corinthians 5:17, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away, behold, the new has come" (ESV). What this means is that when we accept Christ, and that he died for us to bear the weight of our sins, our identity comes from HIM. I am the biggest hypocrite in the world when I say that. I say it almost every day, even though I struggle with it myself.

Something else that struck me though in my search to what the bible said about autism or other disabilities is the story of Moses. I came to discover in Exodus 4:10 that Moses wasn't exactly gifted with communication skills. This is something that many people on the autism spectrum struggle with. What God said to Moses however is something we need to take to heart. Exodus 4:10-12 says "But Moses said to the LORD, Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue. Then the LORD said to him, Who has made man's mouth? Who made him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the LORD?" (ESV). Here, we see God literally reminding Moses that he was made in HIS image. Not man's image.

What does all of this mean? First and foremost, everyone serves a purpose in the Kingdom of God. A question that people often ask, is does God even care for the disabled? The answer? This shouldn't even be a question. Because God created us in His image, he loves each and every one of us, and he actually has a purpose for those differences. As David says in Psalm 139:14a "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made" (ESV). With people who walk through life with these struggles, come testimonies that change lives. But even more so, those with disabilities, are walking testimonies. 

I have a friend who works at a camp upstate, that is designed for people with severe developmental disabilities. I ask her regularly how things are going, and her response is always the same. In her words, "God has just been teaching me so much about His love that never fails. His love is so evident here, I'm so overwhelmed by it". Why does God give some people disabilities? Again, as John 9:3 states, so that the works of God might be displayed in those people.

Need more reasons why? Sometimes coming across an individual with a disability will completely change your life. It is our story for his glory. It isn't just the individual with the disability who is impacted, but it is also everyone who comes across that person. Sometimes we just need to be reminded about how much God loves us. Sometimes we just need to be reminded that our identity comes from Christ, not our disabilities.

Here is another thing to think about, and this is more geared toward watching people suffer. I have heard plenty of testimonies regarding cancer. Stories of those who beat it, and stories of those who lost their battles. No matter how that battle is going, it serves as a reminder, that GOD IS ALWAYS IN CONTROL. No matter what the illness may be, it serves as that reminder. Even if a battle is lost, that individual still serves their purpose in the Kingdom of God. Loss might be a painful thing, but it is a reminder, that our time here on Earth is short, but it is the decisions that we make that determine how we spend eternity.

One last thing. No matter what you are faced with, Faith, is the most powerful thing in the world. It says so in the bible. Matthew 17:20 says, and this is Jesus speaking "For truly I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, Move from here to there, and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you" (ESV). With faith, even just the size of a mustard seed, there is no challenge that cannot be overcome. That being said, we also must realize, that sometimes God will decide to move us instead of the mountain in front of us. In my case, the mountain is my autism. But God decided to move me instead. He gave me a new perspective that came with purpose.

God did not make any mistakes when he created anyone. God created each of us on purpose. And just like everyone else, we have a purpose to serve in the Kingdom of God. Because no matter what our disability is, God still gifts us talents.