Revisiting Theme Parks in the Age of Covid-19

 A while back, I made a post about what I thought would change at theme parks across the country when they reopened in the era of COVID. Some of those predictions included the requirement of face coverings, capacity management through the use of reservation systems, among other things. Let's go through each of my predictions to see how I did. 

Slinky Dog Dash at Disney's Hollywood Studios

1. Limited Capacities- This prediction was spot on. In most cases, capacities at parks were determined by state and local restrictions, but even in areas without capacity restrictions, in most cases parks limited their capacities. All parks operated by Cedar Fair, Six Flags and Disney Parks, Products and Experiences managed capacity through the use of reservation systems. Many parks have now done away with reservation systems as the availability of vaccines and treatments improves, but this is not the case for every park across the country. For parks that did not utilize reservation systems, the concept of dated tickets made a return. An example of this is with Herschend Family Entertainment. Good any day tickets were not available in the early phases of reopening, and only a certain number of tickets were available each day. Reservations were available to season pass holders. 

The Ugly- The necessity of capacity management due to state and local restrictions resulted in major headaches for season passholders at quite a few parks. With few exceptions, almost every park required passholders to make reservations, and with the exception of Hersheypark, inventory was not set aside for passholders. This notably impacted Disney AP holders, who early on experienced great difficulty securing reservations when the Walt Disney World Resort initially reopened. 

2. Phased Reopenings- This wasn't very relevant to some of the smaller parks out there but we did see phased reopenings at resort destinations. For example, just like at Shanghai Disney Resort, Walt Disney World's phased reopening started with Disney Springs. Universal CityWalk opened before the parks did, and out in California, Downtown Disney opened well before the Disneyland Resort parks did. At Knott's Berry Farm, California Marketplace opened prior to the park. For some parks that were able to reopen, due to staffing and timing constraints, aquatic attractions were often left behind. Such is the case for Wildwater Kingdom at Dorney Park, and Oceans of Fun at Worlds of Fun. Many aquatic attractions opened late in 2021 due to staffing shortages. 

3. Increased Sanitation of Ride Units- Every park that I visited in summer 2020 placed an emphasis on frequent cleaning of ride units. This led to longer wait times, though thanks to the accompanying capacity restrictions these wait times were not excessive. Many parks began to dial back on these protocols later on in the summer when new information about transmission of COVID-19 became known, such as how long it is able to survive on surfaces and how it spreads in outdoor environments. By late summer, all the parks I was visiting had stopped doing hourly sanitation and limited to doing so prior to park opening. These changes often came in conjunction with increased capacities. 

4. Increased Sanitation Stations- This is something we started to see before the initial lockdowns began. Days before announcing its closure, cast members at Disney were seen setting up portable handwashing units throughout the park. Upon reopening, many guests noticed a dramatic increase in the number of hand sanitizer dispensers placed throughout the parks. Over the past several months, I started noticing that some of these stations were disappearing. Upon talking to Cast Members at Disney during my August trip, I found out that they were gradually removing these portable stations as they continued moving back toward 'normal' operations. 

5. Masks- This became an almost universal policy across the country. With very few exceptions, every park required gusts to wear face coverings both indoors and outdoors early on in the pandemic. Later on this was relaxed to just indoors. Even in December 2021, there are still some parks that require face coverings for all guests while indoors. Few parks if any however still require face coverings to be worn outdoors. 

6. Virtual Queues- This is one of my few predictions that wasn't seen as widely as I expected. Universal Orlando Resort and Cedar Point are the only parks that I am aware of to have used virtual queues at any point during the pandemic. While Disney's Hollywood Studios did make use of boarding groups for Rise of the Resistance, this is not related to pandemic restrictions as this was in place prior to the pandemic, and actually ended recently. 

7. Temperature Checks- Like masks, this was a policy applied almost universally with the only exceptions being parks that didn't have the means to screen every guest, such as Knoebels. Six Flags made use of thermal technology to screen all guests entering the parks, Cedar Fair and Hershey Entertainment (along with Disney) made use of more traditional hand held thermometers, and any guest with a temperature greater than 100.4 degrees was denied entry. Most parks if not all have done away with temperature screenings at this point in time. 

8. Cashless Payments- This is one of those things that's a little more complicated than meets the eye. Cedar Fair has announced a transition to all cashless payments at all parks by the start of the 2022 season. Most orders at Disney Parks are completed through mobile ordering, and parks that are not cashless encourage cashless payments. This is one of those things where every park is doing something a bit different. 

9. Social Distancing- This is another one of those universally applied policies. Queue lines at every park I visited over the past two summers had social distancing markers in the queue lines. The problem was, that nobody paid any attention to them. Most parks did not have the staffing to have employees in the queue lines to enforce social distancing policies. At this point in time, most parks have removed social distancing markers from the ground, and all remaining markers that were painted onto the ground will likely be pressure washed at the conclusion of the 2021 operating season. For parks that do not host holiday events, this process has likely already begun. This will likely hold, at least in the United States regardless of new concerns surrounding Omicron. 

Intimidator 305 at Kings Dominion

Overall, I would say I was pretty spot on for most of these pandemic changes. As we get further from 2020 most parks have returned to a more normal version of their operation, with few restrictions if any still in place. Globally, there could be some new restrictions as a result of Omicron, but I find it unlikely that parks, at least in North America will be forced to shut their doors again. 

Special Note- One question some experts have asked is weather parks would require proof of vaccination as a criteria for admission. As of writing this article, the answer is primarily no. Park management teams really do not have an interest in mandating vaccines to enter parks, as doing so would cause major headaches for arrival attendants and would likely result in a sizeable number of people refusing to visit. That being said, there are a couple of parks that do require proof of vaccine due to local restrictions. One such example is Six Flags Magic Mountain, and this is due to requirements by the County. A caveat to this is that Six Flags has been strategic in the way they've gone about doing this. The county's vaccine mandate is based on crowd size. As a result, Six Flags Magic Mountain only requires proof of vaccination on certain days where they expect crowd sizes to meet or exceed the county requirements. These days are noted on the park's operating calendar. Universal Studios Hollywood is in the same county, and indicates a vaccine or negative PCR test result as a condition for entry, but such policies are enforced based on park attendance. At this time to my knowledge there are no other parks that have such requirements in place. 

Singleness After College: Lessons learned so far

 At the time of writing this blog, I am 23 years old, unmarried, and have never had a girlfriend. Growing up, I always dreamt of one day getting married, settling down and having a family of my own (yes, guys have dreams too). When I was 19 years old, I enrolled at Lancaster Bible College. Being a small, conservative Christian school, there was certainly some pressures associated with dating. Some even went as far as to call it Lancaster Bridal College because apparently every female who attends is looking for their Mrs. degree. Four years later, I walked across the stage, received my diploma, and moved on to the next stage of my life, still single. I wasn't alone in this. My best friend graduated with the same status. I guess that should bring me some comfort. 

Going into my senior year, I had a sense of dread. This realization that I was in my final year of college, and if I didn't find "the one," I would be destined for singleness, a life that I did not want to live. This was not made any easier by the pressure that comes from attending such a small, christian college, where dating and marriage is essentially viewed as the end goal. I felt lonely, even though I was surrounded by people who mean the world to me. I felt scared, knowing that I would be taking my next steps in life... alone. I felt sad. I don't experience the same self doubt that I used to, but sometimes, singleness feels like a wound. That wound, can sometimes get infected, leading to depression and other complications. 

Going into my final semester of college, I began looking for full-time jobs. I've known since I was little that I wanted to work at an amusement park. Even at the time of my job search, I was working at Hersheypark for my eighth season. I was specifically looking for a job in the amusement industry. I applied for a variety of full-time jobs at Hersheypark, a few at Dorney Park, and one at Knoebels. All I got was rejection. I began to feel discouraged, fearing I may not get to stay in the amusement industry. That is until I was made aware of a job opening at Carowinds in Charlotte, North Carolina. For most of my adult life, I dreamed of moving back down south. I was after all, born and raised in Alabama. I did not expect this opportunity to come. I applied for the position, recognizing that I would likely be rejected. This rejection that I was expecting however, would not come. The day after my interview, I was offered the role of Location Supervisor of Ride Operations at Carowinds, which I accepted. This meant I would be moving my entire life to not just another state, but another region. 

While I still dream of meeting "the one" and getting married, that dream would have made the career dream an impossible one. Because I was on my own, I did not have to take anyone into consideration when deciding on my next move. Two months after accepting this new role, I packed all my stuff into a U-Haul and moved to Rock Hill, South Carolina. I have since fallen in love with the area. I did exactly what I was afraid of doing, taking that next step alone. While I experience the occasional loneliness of walking into an empty apartment after a long day at work, I take one step outside into the Carolina heat, take a sip of sweet tea, and remember that I am home. 

As I have adjusted to life in South Carolina, I have found myself effectively going out with myself. Without having to take anyone else into consideration, I've been able to do whatever I please, sometimes without any planning at all. For example, last Wednesday on a whim I traveled to Atlanta for two back to back Braves games. While traveling back to Pennsylvania for my graduation party, I made an impromptu stop at Kings Dominion for a couple of hours to take a break from driving. I was able to take the long drive slow, and do what I wanted to do along the way. I was able to eat where I wanted to eat, stay where I wanted to stay, and listen to the music that I wanted to listen to. 

The truth is, I still long for the day that I meet the woman who makes me go weak at the knees. The one who I am able to fall in love with every day, the one who challenges me like nobody else ever has, or would ever be able to. The one who will join me for spontaneous adventures, or take things the southern way, slowly. The one who will sit on the back porch with me sipping sweet tea and listening to country radio on a summer night. The one who no matter how frustrated I am with, I simply cannot stop loving. The one who despite how crazy I drive her, simply cannot stop loving me. I dream of that moment almost daily. 

The reality is, my time has not yet come. I remain in this season of singleness, but out of it, has come something that many people lose out on. My dream of working in the theme park business has been realized. I am exactly where I have dreamed of being for so many years. My desire of returning to the south has been realized. I no longer feel like a fish out of water. I'm able to continue focusing on improving myself, while also continuing to build my relationships with my friends. 

Theme Parks in the age of COVID-19

One cannot deny the level of disruption that has been caused by novel coronavirus, COVID-19. First surfacing in November of 2019 in Wuhan, China, this virus has spread worldwide and wreaked havoc on every industry, especially travel and tourism. As the world emerges one nation at a time from this pandemic, many wonder what the new normal will be. As someone who works in Attractions & Entertainment, and has roughly 7 years of experience spread across 3 unique locations (Hersheypark, Hershey's Chocolate World, and Cedar Point) I am painfully aware of the unique challenges that face amusement parks face as we come out on the other side of the pandemic. With that being said, this new normal is starting to surface, and there are some things you should know before you plan your next Disney Vacation, or visit your local amusement park. 

Thunderhead at Dollywood
Smoky Mountain Christmas 2019

The biggest challenge that amusement parks face is the nature of such entertainment venues. Especially during the summer months, amusement parks draw in large crowds, where people are crammed into queue lines, and are in close proximity to thousands upon thousands of people. We will see this again, but it will take time to get back to that 'normal.' Every park will go at its own pace based on federal, state, and local guidelines. With Shanghai Disneyland set to reopen Monday, May 11, we will be able to get an idea of some of the measures we may see implemented here in the United States. Some amusement companies, such as Six Flags have already made announcements on some new procedures. Here are some of the measures we can expect to see for the foreseeable future. I will point out that most of these will likely be short term, and will disappear once we have a proven treatment and vaccine against the virus.

1. Limited Capacities- This concept has been floated by many, and has been confirmed by several different companies. Shanghai Disneyland will be operating at 30% of the park's maximum capacity. In order to prevent guests being turned away, Shanghai Disney Resort is selling dated tickets, and a limited number of tickets for each specific date. Sales for dated tickets will begin on May 8. Six Flags has announced that all park-goers will be required to make a reservation to visit any Six Flags property. As with Disney, this prevents parks from having to turn guests away. We can expect to see amusement and theme parks across the United States implement limited capacity to satisfy state and local guidelines. I should note that parks such as Six Flags St. Louis, Worlds of Fun and Silver Dollar City may not have to implement these policies as Missouri has lifted its statewide ban on large gatherings. 
2. Phased Reopenings- This mainly applies to larger resorts such as Walt Disney World, where it may not be possible to open everything at once. As has been seen with Shanghai Disney Resort, and Hong Kong Disneyland, we could see a phased reopening at large scale parks such as Walt Disney World, Disneyland, Universal etc, beginning with shopping areas, such as Disney Springs or Universal CityWalk. According to insider sources, employees working at Universal Orlando's CityWalk will return to work on May 11. Time will tell however whether this points to CityWalk opening sooner than the advertised date of at least June 1. 
3. Increased Sanitation of Ride Vehicles- This is something that we started to see before parks began to shut down. Some parks, including Six Flags have announced that ride vehicles will be cleaned throughout the day. This will likely only be short-term as doing this will reduce capacities, and will only be viable during those limited capacity periods. Ride Vehicles are always cleaned during daily inspections before the parks open, this has been an industry best practice for years, but for the foreseeable future, you will likely see ride attendants delaying dispatches to spray and wipe down seats and other high touch surfaces such as restraints. 
4. Increased Sanitation Stations- Hand sanitizer is something that has become a true commodity in the COVID-19 world. Some parks, such as Hersheypark have had hand sanitizer dispensers at nearly every attraction for a long time, but this is something that is likely to become commonplace at parks everywhere. This is one of the only changes that you should expect to become permanent. You will likely see these at strategic locations such as ride exits, park entrances and near dining locations. 
5. Masks- Some parks have announced that all employees will wear masks for the time being. It

   

   Skyrush at Hersheypark
   Hersheypark in the Dark 2019

   is not known how this policy will impact guests, and due to concerns with wearing masks on high-speed attractions, I would be surprised if parks made wearing them mandatory for guests. Many have speculated that parks will require guests to wear masks, but this is something that should be taken with a grain of salt, and not taken as reality until it is truly confirmed, and even then every park will handle this as they see fit. 
6. Virtual Queues- Social distancing in queues is especially challenging, and in an effort to try to control the density of guests in a specific area of the park, it is likely we will see virtual queues become more common. A virtual queue means that you are given a specific time slot to ride (think of Disney's FastPass program). This is certainly not a new concept for theme parks, as many have seen this concept as a source of revenue. For example, Six Flags utilizes THE FLASH pass, in which guests who purchase the pass are given a specific time to ride each ride. The same is true with most park Alternate Access programs. This is something we should expect to become permanent, mainly because guests will probably fall in love with the idea of being able to do other things in the park while they wait to ride their favorite attractions. 
7. Temperature Checks- This is another possible change we should take in stride, as this has been more speculative in nature, and will likely be implemented as needed on a park-by-park basis. This is not the most practical procedure to put in place as many parks don't have enough medical staff to have individuals stationed at the park entrance as well as first aid locations. It is also important to note that this type of procedure would be more theatrical than effective, as many people who contract the virus have been asymptomatic. Appearing to be doing something will be vital to ensure guests feel safe to return. 
8. Cashless Payments- This isn't to say that parks won't accept cash, but some parks have the capability of mobile ordering. Parks that have this capability will likely encourage guests to order food and beverage items through mobile ordering, to reduce person to person contact. While it is unlikely for any amusement park to become fully cashless anytime soon (especially considering budget conscious park-goers), we can expect to see an increase of cashless payments through mobile ordering and online payments. Post COVID-19 this will prove to be especially convenient for guests on busier days. 
9. Social Distancing- While some states have begun to relax social distancing guidelines, in areas in which these guidelines remain stringent, we can expect to see social distancing markers on the ground at parks. Social Distancing at amusement parks is not a forever thing as it is not feasible in the long term, and as parks are allowed to increase their capacities, the practicality of social distancing becomes less and less. 

An open letter to singleness

A Quick Background

Fall and Spring are two big seasons for romance. A lot of new relationships form in the fall, and a lot of marriage proposals happen in the spring. This is especially true when you are like me and made the mistake of attending a bible college. THERE IS A REASON BIBLE COLLEGES HAVE A REPUTATION FOR HAVING A RING BY SPRING ATTITUDE, but I digress. What I do want to say before you read this letter, is that these two seasons can be very challenging for the single folk. It's not hard to feel forgotten when all the new relationships begin and sometimes you really do feel alone. Don't get me wrong, there are so many benefits to being single, but there are also drawbacks.

One more thing.... when you are in a relationship and you are talking to a single friend who is down on their relationship status, don't tell them they aren't missing out on much. Everyone knows that is complete and utter bullcrap and does more harm than good. On the other hand, single people are 100% less likely to get broken up with than individuals in relationships. Without further ado, my open letter to singleness.

An open letter to singleness

Oh Singleness, 

You have a way of keeping life interesting. Some days I just adore you and never want you to leave. Other days, well lets just say I want to shove you into a box and send you down the river. 

Thanks to you, I can binge watch an entire season of Stranger Things on Netflix without having to wait for a significant other. Thanks to you, I have nobody to binge watch Stranger Things with while cozy on a couch with a significant other who may or may not be more enthralled by the story of Jane. 

Thanks to you, I am able to focus on maintaining some of the most important relationships in my life. Thanks to you, I lack a truly intimate relationship with someone who knows me on a deeper level than my closest friends. 

What a double edged sword you are. Thanks to you, I can follow my passions without taking someone else’s life into consideration. I can go anywhere I want, whenever I want. Unfortunately because of you, I haven’t got a partner to share my passions with. I can ride whatever I want to ride at the amusement park, but I might as well wear a shirt that says ‘single rider’. 

You are very friendly to animals. I don’t have to spring into action ready to kill something at the sound of a scream. Instead, I can marvel at the fascinating creatures I find in my bathroom! Whenever we go to the Zoo, we just love to check out the snakes, and we even secretly hope there’s a tarantula we can play with! If it weren’t for you, I would have no idea that tarantulas found in the United States don’t actually rely on their fangs for defense against predators. Who knew?

You’re my best friend in the summertime, but my mortal enemy in the winter. We just love riding all the rides at the park and marveling at the fireworks on July 4. When the holidays come however, you just have a way of bringing me down. We look at all the couples together during the holidays and we wonder what it’d be like to be able to ring in the new year with someone special? What would it be like to watch Christmas movies cuddled up on a warm couch with some fresh hot cocoa? 

There are days where you have me pinned down. There are days where I have you pinned down. Here’s to hoping one of these days we finally break up. Sometimes we get along, sometimes I just wanna grab you by the neck and squeeze. Love or hate each other though, I’m stuck with you for now. 

Signed, 

The one signing Backstreet Boys with Jake Peralta

What is it like to be "different" in 2019?

Autism is something that has become more prevalent in our society over the last 10 to 15 years. Growing up with any autism spectrum disorder can be very difficult for several reasons. First, many of us on the spectrum face discrimination at one point or another. In grade school this might be exclusion from normal activities because of social differences or challenges, it may be emotional, mental, and sometimes physical abuse from classmates and teachers, and it can even come from impatient parents.

I want to get to the root of this before moving on. Typically the way that autism is explained to neurotypical children is that it it means that they might be different in some ways. When it comes to social norms, this is a pretty accurate statement. However, it leads me to ask this question. Are we really "different?" In my humble opinion, there are over 8 billion people on this planet, and no two people are exactly alike, so what exactly is different? We often define different as something that opposes the social norms that we are used to seeing.

Many of the messages that we receive growing up are messages that say that we need to conform to social norms. That we are broken people and that we need to be fixed. For the longest time I have believed that to be true, but through professional work experience and time at college, I have found that this really isn't the full truth, especially in the present day. I often speak out against a lot of the inclusion stuff because it really isn't as beneficial as people make it out to be. For example, consolidating all autism-like disorders into one umbrella does not benefit people like myself with Asperger's Syndrome, or those diagnosed with Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified, because we all have unique needs that don't quite fall under the needs of people with classic autism.

That being said, there are some benefits when it comes to a societal point. As an adult I have felt much less excluded in the things that I do, than I did growing up. One point I have made is that one goes to college to pursue a passion. I have made absolutely no strides to conform to the social norms at Lancaster Bible College, and have been successful 99% of the time. I make mistakes, I run into conflicts, but in the end, being unique is ultimately better than conformity. I have interests that I speak a lot about. Many people who know me know I love airplanes. My father is a military pilot and has been for most of my life. I talk about it a lot, to the point where I probably do annoy some people. However I have found that while growing people up have said I should try to talk about things other people like, I have not taken that advice to heed, and it landed me my dream job with United Airlines.

Success used to be defined by people who attain high paying jobs by fitting into the social norms that society has laid out. In the present day however, having an autism spectrum disorder puts me at a unique advantage. The most successful people in large technology firms such as Apple, Google, Motorola etc... are those with autism spectrum disorders. These firms actively seek to employ people with these disorders because it provides a very significant competitive advantage to these organizations. For starters, people with Asperger's Syndrome tend to be very detail oriented. This means that when someone with Asperger's is looking over something, they will notice the smallest details, and sometimes, it is the smallest details that end up mattering the most.

This attention to detail aspect for me has led to success in both the airline industry as well as the private security sector. Previously I held a job as a Security Professional with Allied Universal, and found that I ended up fitting in very quickly because I tended to notice some of the smallest things that would turn into some very big problems if they weren't addressed while they were still small problems. Today, I am a Public Safety Officer at Lancaster Bible College and have been commended on a regular basis for my attention to detail and the things that I catch while on duty.

When it comes to friendships, things are certainly quite interesting. One of the biggest misconceptions is that people on the autism spectrum simply lack a desire to seek out friendships. This is a very ignorant statement and must be quashed when spoken, because it is the complete opposite of the truth. The real truth is that many people on the spectrum find it very difficult to make friends naturally. I have certainly been blessed with some amazing friends that I have spoken about quite a bit. Do I make mistakes that causes tension? ABSOLUTELY. Do they make mistakes that cause tension? Once again... ABSOLUTELY. But here's where things become more special. When one of us or both of us make a mistake, we talk about it. I never intend to hurt anyone, but sometimes I do so inadvertently. Here is what I love about my friends so much. When I do inadvertently hurt one of them, and I ask them about it, they are honest, and they are willing to talk about it in ways that help me understand exactly why what I said or did hurt them the way it did.

The biggest wall I face now though is romance. I will be 21 in less than 2 months, and have yet to have my first girlfriend. The idea of dating gives me great anxiety because while people have come to me for relationship advice, I speak only based on observation. I don't necessarily fear rejection, I honestly fear that moment when a girl says "I like you too". First of all I have absolutely no clue where go from there, but second of all, I also fear that I am going to cause a lot of problems in my relationship because of the things that I simply do not understand. With that, singleness is the season that I am in right now, and while I embrace it the majority of the time, the spring has a tendency to be the hardest on me. This is the time when everyone appears to be getting engaged or entering into romantic relationships, and this time of year I am constantly reminded of my singleness. A wise woman said to me that "Single now is not single forever". I often fear that God has decided that I am to live a life of singleness. Even though I trust that whatever God does in my life will be good, the thought of being single for the rest of my life is devastating.

People on the autism spectrum have all types of barriers to overcome. I spoke about each and every one of them. At the end of the day though, when it comes to neurodiversity, nobody is superior to anyone else. We each have our own abilities and in 2019, having unique abilities is one of the biggest advantages you can have over everyone else. Being different in 2019 is kinda awesome.

Confronting Depression and Anxiety: My Story

Preface: I have come across a number of people within the church who firmly believe that anxiety, or more specifically in my own case an anxiety disorder, is merely the result of a lack of faith, or a spiritual failure. I recently stumbled across an article on the Focus on the Family website that addresses this issue, and I am very thankful that I did. I will be sharing my story regarding my battle with depression and my attempted suicide. 

First and foremost, it should be noted that just because someone is a believer does not mean that they are immune to anxiety. There are a number of things that may cause anxiety. For instance, the underlying cause of my anxiety disorder is my Asperger's Syndrome. I have spoken much about my ASD but haven't spoken much about my anxiety.

Another thing that goes hand in hand with anxiety is depression. Again, just because someone is a believer does not make them immune to this. It also should be noted that depression is not always an attack from Satan, and that it can always be solved by getting closer to God. I have been disgusted time and time again by the incredibly ignorant notion that someone who is battling depression is only facing that battle because their faith isn't strong enough.

Before I share my personal story, I have this to offer. There are many people within the church who are battling depression and anxiety. As mentioned by Focus on the Family, some people who are facing these battles will only seek help if they are encouraged to. This is because of the ignorant notions which result in the fear that seeking help is a sign of weakness. This is far from the truth. The real truth is that seeking help is a sign of strength.

As I have previously stated, 2018 was a very challenging year for me. I went through a number of challenging events and found myself in some very difficult seasons. I have previously spoken of betrayal. Things were made more difficult by the loss of Joseph Masi over the summer. Joey was one of my closest friends at Lancaster Bible College. Things were made even more difficult with events going on at home.

Immediately following the experience of betrayal I began to experience depression more ferociously. This was also coupled with anxiety. Seeking help was very difficult because as I previously stated there are negative connotations within the church, which needs to change. I went through the majority of the year in silence. I eventually did seek some counsel toward the end of the summer, but again was too afraid to fully speak my mind for fear of judgement.

I entered my sophomore year of college fighting this battle. The stress of school only added to my anxiety, and I continued to be silent about my struggles. Things evolved to a point where I began to plan my suicide. In my lifetime I have never experienced something more surreal than deciding the date that I was going to die, November 25, 2018. I was stopped in my tracks by a voice as I began the trek toward the place I was going to end my life. This voice turned me around and guided me to the shower, where I sat and cried for several hours. I do not doubt for a second that this was the voice of God. I eventually reached out for help, and surrounded myself with my closest friends.

The road to recovery has not been easy, and has been riddled with bumps. However, I am certainly grateful for the people who surrounded me as I fought this battle. Life is very different for me than it was just a month ago.

My hope in sharing this story is twofold. First and foremost, I want to challenge everyone who believes that depression is the result of a lack of faith to read through the book of Job. Secondly, I want to speak to those who are currently battling depression. This is what I have to say. Light can be found even in the darkest of places. This quote was famously spoken by Albus Dumbledore from the Harry Potter series. This is a statement that is full of truth. If you are experiencing depression and/or anxiety or thoughts of suicide, I want to encourage you to reach out. No matter how much darkness surrounds you, it does not have to be the end.

Shine Bright: Behind the Song

I don't typically write music, but sometimes a story, or an observation, can be best described in a way that is more moving than words by themselves. 2018 has been a particularly difficult year, and the troubles began pretty early on.

April 6, 2018 is a day that is committed to memory because there were several things that happened that day. I was faced with a unique challenge, that was only unique because of my condition. After the events transpired I spoke with a friend by the name of Joseph Masi. He was in my section, and was also one of my best friends. I told him about the events that had transpired, and he brought up the idea of writing a song to express it. When he first said that, I laughed it off but a few days later, the beginning of the song came to me.

The spring semester of 2018 was not just a difficult time for myself, but for a number of other people as well. It seemed as though my entire friend group was going through something. There were battles being fought left and right. My own battle at the time was anxiety. But I also noticed that I was not the only one battling anxiety. I am a very empathetic person, which means that ones mood can easily influence my own mood. Because we are each created in the image of God, each and every one of us is indeed beautiful. But as the first verse is written, it is very hard to see someone that I care about facing any type of battle.

Depression is a very common battle, as is addiction, upon many other things. However, not only do we have this pressure to keep this to ourselves, it often seems as though those around us expect us to just shove our difficulties aside and keep going as if nothing was wrong. As Christians we are not exempt from this pressure. In fact, the enemy will often deceive us to believe that this is something that we must keep to ourselves. The church also isn't always the greatest at coming alongside those who are facing battles of really any type.

The pre-chorus falls in line with the 'look up child' mentality. This isn't to say that feelings of depression are invalid but as soon as you find strength to look up, everything can change in an instant. We are given this light from God. This light that comes from the gospel (or 'good news'). This doesn't just mean that we shine our light, but our battle can also become a light when we overcome it. When we fight a battle or we struggle with something, it becomes almost impossible to realize that we aren't the only one facing that battle. A testimony is one of the most powerful tools available to one in ministry. Your battle, and your testimony can be the thing that changes everything in the life of one who might be facing the same struggle.

The song also talks about how we keep ourselves hidden away because we are unsure of what to do. In my own experience, I have found I become afraid to be around other people, because I don't have the ability to put a mask on. And sometimes we honestly just need some time alone. However sometimes we may feel forced to keep ourselves hidden away, because maybe we feel ashamed to be fighting a battle. Maybe we are afraid of what other people might think.

I became stuck for a little bit because the song didn't feel complete but I didn't have anything else to add. That is until a very close friend of mine shared some unfortunate news with me. When one who you are close to becomes ill, not just sick, but to the point where death is a near possibility, this becomes a new battle. It becomes not just a physical battle for the person dealing with it, but an emotional battle to those who are close to that person. In my case I was devastated because while I don't know the person who is dealing with this huge battle, I was watching one of my best friends face a challenging emotional battle, and I just put pen to paper.

This song is a very broad song but it speaks into everything that I witnessed and experienced for myself last semester. I haven't shared this song or even spoken of it for a long time because there was backlash to it. Backlash that I had written about. Backlash that had result in a lot of hurt, self doubt, and doubt in God's purpose for me. And yet even the song that caused the backlash speaks into that. For your listening, the song is included. The lyrics are below the video.

Lyrics

You walk through life 

with a frown on that beautiful face

you know it kills me inside 

just to see you this way

They tell you just to

suck it up when life gets rough

and now you're feeling knocked down. 

You might be overwhelmed

you might be getting down

you might be getting ready to shout

But don't forget he gives you love

He gave you his life and he gives you the light

So won't you shine, brighter than ever

So all may see, your light. 

shine bright. 

Now it's getting heavy

you're not sure what to do 

so you keep yourself hidden away

Your head is burrowed deep

deep with in your arms and 

the tears are running down your face

You might be overwhelmed

You might be getting down 

You might be getting ready to shout

But don't forget he gives you love

He gave you his life and he gives you the light

So won't you shine, brighter than ever

So all may see, your light

So won't you shine

Brighter than ever

Light up the darkness

Light up this world

So won't you shine

Brighter than ever 

So all may see... your light

Shine bright.