Autism: Why me?

Preface: This article is based on what I have found in the bible that answers a lot of personal questions. This article is more universal than my last ones, and isn't specific to the autism spectrum, but can also include any other type of disability or disease, even cancer. The question that often gets asked is why does this person go through this? Does God even care?

As I have said before, I am a counselor at the Woodcrest Retreat in Ephrata. Each week, we as counselors lead bible time with our campers, and day 1 is always regarding Psalms 139 and what it means to be fearfully and wonderfully made. Each week I share with my campers that I am autistic. Last week however, a camper asked me a really good question. "What does the bible say about autism?" While the bible does not mention autism by name, there are some universal lessons to be learned.

Lets start with John 9:1-3. Sometimes it might seem like God is punishing you because you have a disability, but as we see in John 9, this is actually far from the truth. This passage speaks of a blind man who has been blind since birth. This is what is written. "As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth, and his disciples asked him, Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" Jesus answered, it was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him" (ESV). When I first came across this passage, I was blown away. First of all, this serves as a reminder, that someone who suffers from anything since birth isn't cursed. In fact, there is a purpose.

Even today, we can see God using people with disabilities to impact others. Even as someone with a disability I can see God using OTHER people with disabilities to impact ME. Now, one thing that frustrates me is a common theme. People who have dealt with individuals on the spectrum might say that they learned to be more patient, or they learned to be more understanding. These are broad lessons, but each individual has something more to offer. I decided to ask one of my closest friends what they have learned from me, and this is what she had to say. "Your determination to not let what you have you saw as a negative thing in you to tear you down has encouraged me to think more positively". 

Since dealing with some very difficult events, I have really struggled with my identity and who I am. I began to let my identity come from my disability, and yet, according to 2 Corinthians 5:17, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away, behold, the new has come" (ESV). What this means is that when we accept Christ, and that he died for us to bear the weight of our sins, our identity comes from HIM. I am the biggest hypocrite in the world when I say that. I say it almost every day, even though I struggle with it myself.

Something else that struck me though in my search to what the bible said about autism or other disabilities is the story of Moses. I came to discover in Exodus 4:10 that Moses wasn't exactly gifted with communication skills. This is something that many people on the autism spectrum struggle with. What God said to Moses however is something we need to take to heart. Exodus 4:10-12 says "But Moses said to the LORD, Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue. Then the LORD said to him, Who has made man's mouth? Who made him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the LORD?" (ESV). Here, we see God literally reminding Moses that he was made in HIS image. Not man's image.

What does all of this mean? First and foremost, everyone serves a purpose in the Kingdom of God. A question that people often ask, is does God even care for the disabled? The answer? This shouldn't even be a question. Because God created us in His image, he loves each and every one of us, and he actually has a purpose for those differences. As David says in Psalm 139:14a "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made" (ESV). With people who walk through life with these struggles, come testimonies that change lives. But even more so, those with disabilities, are walking testimonies. 

I have a friend who works at a camp upstate, that is designed for people with severe developmental disabilities. I ask her regularly how things are going, and her response is always the same. In her words, "God has just been teaching me so much about His love that never fails. His love is so evident here, I'm so overwhelmed by it". Why does God give some people disabilities? Again, as John 9:3 states, so that the works of God might be displayed in those people.

Need more reasons why? Sometimes coming across an individual with a disability will completely change your life. It is our story for his glory. It isn't just the individual with the disability who is impacted, but it is also everyone who comes across that person. Sometimes we just need to be reminded about how much God loves us. Sometimes we just need to be reminded that our identity comes from Christ, not our disabilities.

Here is another thing to think about, and this is more geared toward watching people suffer. I have heard plenty of testimonies regarding cancer. Stories of those who beat it, and stories of those who lost their battles. No matter how that battle is going, it serves as a reminder, that GOD IS ALWAYS IN CONTROL. No matter what the illness may be, it serves as that reminder. Even if a battle is lost, that individual still serves their purpose in the Kingdom of God. Loss might be a painful thing, but it is a reminder, that our time here on Earth is short, but it is the decisions that we make that determine how we spend eternity.

One last thing. No matter what you are faced with, Faith, is the most powerful thing in the world. It says so in the bible. Matthew 17:20 says, and this is Jesus speaking "For truly I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, Move from here to there, and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you" (ESV). With faith, even just the size of a mustard seed, there is no challenge that cannot be overcome. That being said, we also must realize, that sometimes God will decide to move us instead of the mountain in front of us. In my case, the mountain is my autism. But God decided to move me instead. He gave me a new perspective that came with purpose.

God did not make any mistakes when he created anyone. God created each of us on purpose. And just like everyone else, we have a purpose to serve in the Kingdom of God. Because no matter what our disability is, God still gifts us talents.

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made: A look at Psalm 139

This summer I stepped outside of my comfort zone and entered into camp ministry. This summer I am serving as an overnight counselor at the Woodcrest Retreat in Ephrata. One of my responsibilities is to lead a bible lesson with my campers each day. While the lessons are given to us, they are flexible and we have the ability to work them in a way that allows us to build meaningful connections.

One of these lessons is based on Psalm 139, which is written by David. The main idea of this lesson comes from the first half of verses 14 which says "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made". I have gotten the chance to really get my hands dirty with this concept, and it plays a major role in my testimony over the last few months.

The first thing we should look at is what is going on here in Psalm 139. David has an intimate relationship with God. It is on display here. The God who has created him. We also see how much God loves us and cares about us in this passage.

Let's break this down a little bit though. What does David mean when he says that he is Fearfully and wonderfully made? To get a better idea of what he is talking about, we need to discuss what we mean when we say that we fear God. To say that we fear God is not to say that we are afraid of Him, but rather, we look on in awe, with great respect.

What does all mean to us? The beginning of the christian narrative is creation. The bible begins with "In the beginning GOD created the heavens and the Earth". Everything that he created was how HE wanted it. In this Psalm, we see that we are Fearfully and Wonderfully Made in the image of GOD. 

Many of us have things that we do not like about ourselves, things that are beyond our control. A couple of months ago I shared my story about growing up with autism. At the end of the last semester I dealt with significant events that lead to me believing a lot of lies about myself. However, God has a plan for each component of us. In March I went on a missions trip with about 20 other people from LBC, to Houston. There I met someone who I have since grown very close to. During this week however I was under the impression that she strongly disliked me and thought I was annoying. However, on the plane ride home she passed me a note. I had gotten the opportunity to talk to her on this trip, and I had impacted her. The moral of this story is What you see as a weakness or an unpleasant attribute could change someone else's life. 

We might often be told by other people that we aren't good enough, or that we are weird. Growing up I was constantly being bullied. A friend of mine went through a similar struggle. The problem is that growing up, it is easy to start to believe what others are telling us. Even as adults, people might tell us things like we just aren't good enough or we should be different than who we are. The truth is though, that We are created in GOD'S image... not MAN'S. 

So we talked about the fact that God created us, but what about the why? Why did God create us? To first get an understanding of this, it might be worth while to look at Luke 15, where Jesus shares the parable of the lost sheep. We often hear about how He leaves the ninety-nine for us. In other words, he pursues us. Why does he pursue us? Because he loves us. Just how much does God love us? According to John 3:16, God so loved the world that he sent his one and only son, so that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. God loves us so much that he sent his son, to die for the sin of man, so that man may have salvation.

God created us so that he can have relationship with us. We know this because he didn't want Heaven without us. He sent his son to die for us, to carry the wrath that we so much deserve. As such, our identity doesn't come from anything that is worldly. Our identity comes from Him. 

The three main takeaways from all of this is

1. God created you in HIS image. 
2. God created you to have a relationship with you. 
3. Our identity comes from HIM. Not anything on Earth. 

For those of you who might be struggling with your identity, I hope this provided some encouragement for you. Remember, because of all of this, Each and every one of us has a place in the Kingdom of God.

Note: All references to scripture come from the English Standard Version (ESV) translation